I was raised to think that emotions, opinions and preferences were my "truth" and that to behave in opposition to these would be "lying."  To fake an interest, to smile when unhappy, to agree when I don't, to laugh when it's not funny ... these were all areas that I was unable to pretend to believe or feel one way when I felt another.

However, I've been learning about charity and more about good manners which I imagine comes from practice of Christian charity.  I've begun to learn that it is bad manners to act in a way that belies negative emotions.  It is necessary to smile and give cheerful greetings to neighbors and friends alike regardless of how one feels.  

If your host serves you food you don't personally like, it is bad manners to say that yo don't like it and it's bad manners not to eat it.  

I've learned a lot about keeping a happy face and being cheerful regardless of how I feel at the time.  I am learning to refrain from expressing my numerous opinions without being asked first (and really most of my opinions hold no value at all in the scheme of  things) and thereby learning to be less egotistical, plus avoiding offending someone who holds a different opinion.

My question is about a lingering feeling of "lying" when I pretend to be interested in someone's conversation or laugh when someone tells a joke.  It feels so strained and fake and dishonest.  And yet it would be uncharitable to not smile or give some response of friendliness or encouragement.

How to I put this in perspective that having feelings about something does not mean it's "the truth" and that I am a liar for acting otherwise?

The solution is for women to cook proper meals.

I don't think the Italians generally have this problem.

Love Christ and the spirit of true virtue..

It should feel good to be good. To bear Christ. It's for Him after all.

Yes, I am reading "Introduction to the Devout Life."  

I was thinking after I posted this that that feeling of discomfort (again having been someone who puts too much stock in feelings) is really only my overdeveloped self pushing and straining to be heard.  It's all ego all the way.  And it's a battle between putting myself first vs. putting another first.

What prompted this question was about laughing at jokes that aren't funny.  I have someone close to me who laughs and smiles accordingly regardless of the humor being agreeable.  But I realize that it's about mirroring the tone and expression of the speaker regardless of whether you think it's funny or not (not talking about inappropriate jokes).

I have a lot to learn! And I am praying for it!  

Yes, I am reading "Introduction to the Devout Life."  

I was thinking after I posted this that that feeling of discomfort (again having been someone who puts too much stock in feelings) is really only my overdeveloped self pushing and straining to be heard.  It's all ego all the way.  And it's a battle between putting myself first vs. putting another first.

What prompted this question was about laughing at jokes that aren't funny.  I have someone close to me who laughs and smiles accordingly regardless of the humor being agreeable.  But I realize that it's about mirroring the tone and expression of the speaker regardless of whether you think it's funny or not (not talking about inappropriate jokes).

I have a lot to learn! And I am praying for it!  

Haha. I've referred to that book so often in my life because it is so practical in regards to daily life.

I wouldn't laugh at something that isn't funny, but there are ways out without being rude. Smile because someone is trying to make you happy, not because the joke is funny, or just tell them you aren't much for humor so you don't always get jokes, if that is applicable.

I know someone who, later I found out, doesn't really like me or care for my company. The person was so virtuous, that I never caught on, they never told anyone either--clueless me finally got the picture. I'm not mad or offended, I was glad they spared me embarrassment and bore me and the displeasure of my company so patiently. They really even went out of their way to make me happy. I was really edified.

Charity is not a feeling.  Read St. Paul's Epistle, I Corinthians, chapter 13.  When it comes to charity, ignore the feelings.  That doesn't mean flatter or lie.  Sometimes charity is silent.  "Speak the Truth in love."  Forget YOUR feelings; think of the other person's soul.

Charity is not a feeling.  Read St. Paul's Epistle, I Corinthians, chapter 13.  When it comes to charity, ignore the feelings.  That doesn't mean flatter or lie.  Sometimes charity is silent.  "Speak the Truth in love."  Forget YOUR feelings; think of the other person's soul.

Actually, Saint Frances teaches that kindness stems from Charity, that it never causes offense, even if we might have to stifle our own will and feelings to avoid offense. With many people, offense often has to do with feelings, which i know are misleading and subjective, but they are part of the equation. It doesn't do any good to react to overtures of friendship or comraderie with "hmm, ok" that offends people unecessarily, but it doesn't mean being fake or flattering.