Author Topic: Good Reasons for Wife to Refuse Sex? (Read 15727 times)

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #15 on:** November 13, 2016, 10:22:31 PM »

I have two angles to approach this problem. The first one is the most obvious: it is wrong to hold out on your spouse. It is a mortal sin. If you want to end you rmarriage or cause a separation, there is no faster way than to do this to them. Sometimes it's because of infidelity. Other times, they just don't want to do it, which is amazing, considering our sexed up culture. For Catholics, these days, it seems that NFP can be abused, as there is a fear of getting pregnant. But Church teaching is incontrovertible: even NFP can be abused, and a spouse should never refuse to do this. Listen to the following:

The Sanctity of Marriage: The Duty of Motherhood vs the Abuses of NFP

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/embed/mSY7FqmJ7js[/youtube]

On the other hand, perhaps things are not going smoothly on the homefront. Sometimes she does this because she feels insecure. Perhaps there's not a steady paycheck. Perhaps a lot of the burden for keeping the house in order rests on her shoulders, and she's terrified of added responsibility of possibly getting pregnant. In such a case, that is no excuse whatsoever, but helping more around the house or doing something to ensure your spouse feels secure about your family's future may be a possible avenue for you to instill confidence in the household.

This is not a nice situation to be in, and a lot of people are embarassed to have this issue. It is more widespread than you think, and it's a shame that people have to put each other through this kind of an ordeal in a time when stable marriages are so rare. All the more reason to do your best to try to crack the code and make it work.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #16 on:** November 13, 2016, 11:16:05 PM »

Women usually have a heightened libido during their fertile times so perhaps the "pressure" to conceive is suppressing hers.

If God wants you to have children you will, so let go of the "window of opportunity" idea for a while and just concentrate on each other.

We women can get some fanciful ideas sometimes and she may imagine that you only want her because she can bring a child into the world. Reassure her that you love and desire her for who she is, not what she can do for you.

for you and your wife.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #17 on:** November 14, 2016, 10:34:37 AM »

Quote from: Guest

Communication!

Until you break through to the reason why she's pushing you off, you won't be able to resolve the problem.

This. Every other post on this thread is a waste of time and nothing but idle speculation. There could be a hundred different reasons why she's like that.

If you have a deep enough relationship, you should just be able to talk to her about it and she could give you some honest answers. If she's reluctant, you can ask her a series of simple yes or no types of questions.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #18 on:** November 14, 2016, 10:40:37 AM »

Quote from: Guest

Speaking as a woman who has talked with a lot of other women (yes we do talk about sex with one another) I can tell you that husbands ...

Seriously? You think that it's OK to discuss such intimate details that should remain between you and your husband with other people? So you think it's OK to complain about your husband's sɛҳuąƖ "performance" to other women? So your husband has to walk around among your peers wondering if your friends are chuckling about him in their heads knowing that he might be "lame in bed".

Shame on you.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #19 on:** November 14, 2016, 10:42:25 AM »

Quote from: Guest

Speaking as a woman who has talked with a lot of other women (yes we do talk about sex with one another) I can tell you that husbands have an (unconscious) habit of doing things that douse our ardour and what should be an expression of love becomes a chore and that disappointment leads us to avoid it. Sex should not be a chore for either the husband or the wife.

If your husband does things that "douse [your] ardor" (and it's always the husband, never the wife, who's to blame, eh?), then go talk to him about it and stop prattling to your friends.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #20 on:** November 14, 2016, 02:21:19 PM »

Quote from: Guest

Quote from: Guest
Speaking as a woman who has talked with a lot of other women (yes we do talk about sex with one another) I can tell you that husbands ...

Seriously? You think that it's OK to discuss such intimate details that should remain between you and your husband with other people? So you think it's OK to complain about your husband's sɛҳuąƖ "performance" to other women? So your husband has to walk around among your peers wondering if your friends are chuckling about him in their heads knowing that he might be "lame in bed".

Shame on you.

Discussion does NOT equal gossip. Get your "lame" mind out of the gutter.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #21 on:** November 15, 2016, 03:36:35 AM »

When was the last time you brought her flowers?

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #22 on:** November 15, 2016, 09:32:38 AM »

Quote from: Guest

Discussion does NOT equal gossip. Get your "lame" mind out of the gutter.

Discussing the sɛҳuąƖ relationship you have with your spouse with people other than your spouse is sinful ... unless it's done with a priest, for just reasons, or under the condition of anonymity. Prattling about it with your friends is sinful. You have an extremely lame moral compass, or none at all.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #23 on:** November 15, 2016, 11:12:54 AM »

Maybe she's worn out and tired and you are a complete turn off to her?

MaterDominici · « **Reply #24 on:** November 15, 2016, 11:40:33 AM »

Quote from: Guest

Quote from: Guest
Discussion does NOT equal gossip. Get your "lame" mind out of the gutter.

Discussing the sɛҳuąƖ relationship you have with your spouse with people other than your spouse is sinful ... unless it's done with a priest, for just reasons, or under the condition of anonymity. Prattling about it with your friends is sinful. You have an extremely lame moral compass, or none at all.

This seems like a random opinion on your part. I can't imagine a theological basis for the idea that if you can seek advice anonymously it's OK, but otherwise, it's sinful.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #25 on:** November 15, 2016, 04:46:18 PM »

It would depend on the intention. If the intent is to humiliate one's spouse, then of course it would be sinful, if the intent is to seek council from a trusted friend about an issue in the marriage, then it wouldn't be sinful. However, one must careful that the person would not spread information about the spouse. I personally have not heard any woman bash her husband on the basis of performance. Lack of amorous feelings usually stem from an issue outside the bedroom.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #26 on:** November 16, 2016, 11:48:04 AM »

Quote from: MaterDominici

Quote from: Guest
Quote from: Guest
Discussion does NOT equal gossip. Get your "lame" mind out of the gutter.

Discussing the sɛҳuąƖ relationship you have with your spouse with people other than your spouse is sinful ... unless it's done with a priest, for just reasons, or under the condition of anonymity. Prattling about it with your friends is sinful. You have an extremely lame moral compass, or none at all.

This seems like a random opinion on your part. I can't imagine a theological basis for the idea that if you can seek advice anonymously it's OK, but otherwise, it's sinful.

That should be quite obvious. See the post made after mine.

Quote

However, one must careful that the person would not spread information about the spouse

In the one case, potentially negative information would spread around about an actual person whose identity is known ... thus being akin to detraction.

Since people are obviously sensitive about sɛҳuąƖ matters, let me reset. I talk to my friends about the fact that my husband has various disgusting bathroom habits. Now these people know this negative information about a specific person that they know. That's sinful and is in the category of detraction. If, however, you mention it somewhere anonymously, like, say, here, in this Anonymous subforum, in the interests of seeking advice, then no particular person's reputation is being damaged.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #27 on:** November 16, 2016, 11:50:18 AM »

Quote from: Guest

It would depend on the intention.

No, intention alone doesn't suffice. Even if well intended, one can objectively harm a person's reputation by spreading potentially negative information about them, thus committing detraction (even when the activity is not sinful). People have a right in justice to their good reputation. There has to be proportionately grave reason for discussing this information, and it should only be discussed if there's no alternative way of seeking advice that would NOT do harm to the person's reputation. Most of this is idle female prattling and gossip ... and it's sinful.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #28 on:** November 16, 2016, 11:52:12 AM »

Even things like, "Boy, my husband constantly burps at the dinner table." or "Man, he really stinks out the bathroom at home." are detraction. They harm a person's reputation. There must be proportionate reason to bring it up other than to gossip.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #29 on:** November 16, 2016, 11:53:36 AM »

Quote from: Guest

Quote from: Guest
Discussion does NOT equal gossip. Get your "lame" mind out of the gutter.

Discussing the sɛҳuąƖ relationship you have with your spouse with people other than your spouse is sinful ... unless it's done with a priest, for just reasons, or under the condition of anonymity. Prattling about it with your friends is sinful. You have an extremely lame moral compass, or none at all.

3 downthumbs from the prattling female gossipers.

Author Topic: Good Reasons for Wife to Refuse Sex? (Read 15727 times)

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