I know it's a random and fruitless thing to rant about 

But I'm so frustrated that I can't re-do my life !! 



I'm the one who posted that I recently found out I'm autistic 

I also found out recently I also have  an underlying genetic disorder which makes me prone to servere tiredness and low immunity.

If I knew this information years ago , I would have made complety different life choices . 

I wouldn't have chosen marriage and I wouldn't have been such a MUG

I felt under enormous pressure to be "married" 
I feel my husband took advantage of me sɛҳuąƖly before marriage and I'm still angry at him for this . As I didn't feel comfortable with it , but felt continuous pressure to me * married " and no one else was interested in me apart from him. My siblings would put pressure on me and make out it was awful to be single 


My dad put enormous pressure on me academically and wanted me in high up jobs - but I didn't have those skills and would crumble. I use to beat myself up for not being able to cope in jobs and was bullied repeatedly by members of staff and I couldn't understand why I was a target.

I struggled at uni and my dad would repeatedly phone me up after every essay to say I have to get a 2:1 . And put enormous pressure on me to get this grade , I'm not academic and I found this hard . 
I use to ask lecturers for extensions to meet my dad's needs 


I hate the way my parents brought me up, they weren't very Catholic and repeatedly told me " If you haven't got good looks, you haven't got anything"

I remember having repeated breakdowns as I didn't feel " pretty enough" and put enormous pressure on myself on how I looked . It was all a lie - looks don't matter !! 

I had a conversion a few years ago and came to the traditional church.

I ended up leaving work all together as I got so bullied by this one women in my last job who use to make out I was stupid and lacked common sense. I remember i use to Google intelligent words to add to my vocabulary so I didn't feel as stupid


I can't make friends and I could never understand why 

My mother in law can bully me and make out I'm stupid , 

I've always been bullied for being "stupid* 
I remember going to a novus ordo Catholic house at my uni and they would call me by the same name as this stupid girl from.glee . 

They had no idea that I was actually autistic with a genetic disorder because I didn't have that diagnosis.


I wish I had my diagnosis years ago and not cared what people thought of me , I probably would have lived as a hermit and recognised I don't have the same skills as other people and I am partly disabled. I wish my parents understood that life is harder for me . 

I have dreams of redoing it all, and just not bothered trying to hide that I was different.

Good advice Ladislaus!

Very wise advice from both above Ladislaus and Hermes. I can't add anything. 

St Bernadette of Lourdes was told by her teacher at school that she was the stupidest one in the class. 
Reading stories of the Saints has given me great consolation in knowing they went through many of the difficulties that we do today and eventually made it to Heaven. 

I've felt this way more than once..

The rug gets pulled out from you a few times throughout your life and you realize everything could've been different if only you'd known this that or the other thing.

But.. though it's hard to accept, the path you took is the one that can form the person God wants to be in Heaven, that saint you could and should be. If you make the best of how Providence designed your life you can get a lot out of the pains and the good you learned from them. You'll have been through a great lot, but you'll be able to be the better for it all with God's help, scars and all. He can make the scars into virtues.

Think about someone else in your position.. You would likely feel quite better about that person's virtues having survived through it all.. than you do yourself. Don't beat yourself up. You have to be a friend to yourself too. Now that you know what you do, you can make new progress towards becoming who both God and you want yourself to be, and offer up your sufferings to Him from all along the way, past, present, and future.

I know it's a random and fruitless thing to rant about

But I'm so frustrated that I can't re-do my life !!



I'm the one who posted that I recently found out I'm autistic

I also found out recently I also have  an underlying genetic disorder which makes me prone to servere tiredness and low immunity.

If I knew this information years ago , I would have made complety different life choices .

I wouldn't have chosen marriage and I wouldn't have been such a MUG

I felt under enormous pressure to be "married"
I feel my husband took advantage of me sɛҳuąƖly before marriage and I'm still angry at him for this . As I didn't feel comfortable with it , but felt continuous pressure to me * married " and no one else was interested in me apart from him. My siblings would put pressure on me and make out it was awful to be single


My dad put enormous pressure on me academically and wanted me in high up jobs - but I didn't have those skills and would crumble. I use to beat myself up for not being able to cope in jobs and was bullied repeatedly by members of staff and I couldn't understand why I was a target.

I struggled at uni and my dad would repeatedly phone me up after every essay to say I have to get a 2:1 . And put enormous pressure on me to get this grade , I'm not academic and I found this hard .
I use to ask lecturers for extensions to meet my dad's needs


I hate the way my parents brought me up, they weren't very Catholic and repeatedly told me " If you haven't got good looks, you haven't got anything"

I remember having repeated breakdowns as I didn't feel " pretty enough" and put enormous pressure on myself on how I looked . It was all a lie - looks don't matter !!

I had a conversion a few years ago and came to the traditional church.

I ended up leaving work all together as I got so bullied by this one women in my last job who use to make out I was stupid and lacked common sense. I remember i use to Google intelligent words to add to my vocabulary so I didn't feel as stupid


I can't make friends and I could never understand why

My mother in law can bully me and make out I'm stupid ,

I've always been bullied for being "stupid*
I remember going to a novus ordo Catholic house at my uni and they would call me by the same name as this stupid girl from.glee .

They had no idea that I was actually autistic with a genetic disorder because I didn't have that diagnosis.


I wish I had my diagnosis years ago and not cared what people thought of me , I probably would have lived as a hermit and recognised I don't have the same skills as other people and I am partly disabled. I wish my parents understood that life is harder for me .

I have dreams of redoing it all, and just not bothered trying to hide that I was different.

I don't think it's right for parents to push their children to go to college. Especially for young women, and it's even more important for young women who don't want to go. University can be extremely stressful. Some even commit ѕυιcιdє over the stress. Some (maybe most) women aren't meant to be highly educated. God has other plans for them - maybe marriage, maybe a religious vocation, or a simple life devoted to God. 
I know what it's like to be thought of as stupid - it can be very degrading. I'm not very bright. But I get around it by trying to be good at the few things that I can do well. 
You know, you can start over. It's not too late. But just find a way to do it in the situation that you are living in now. We have the example of some saints who achieved sanctity in adverse situations. 
Have you read about the life of St. Joseph of Cupertino? He's one of my favorite saints. He even surpassed the holiness of St. Francis of Assisi, in my opinion. He had some serious cognitive deficits, which he was aware of, and everyone else was aware of them too. He also had a mother who was extremely religious, who formed him well in his childhood (the movie version of his life is not accurate). Most of us don't have that. 
I hope that you can find a way to change your situation. It has obviously got you down.