Author Topic: Financial Matters in Marriage (Read 2034 times)

Änσnymσus · « **on:** October 11, 2016, 05:37:39 PM »

In a traditional marriage, where the husband is the sole provider, and the wife does not work, does he have the last say in all major financial matters? Can he make unilateral decisions about how to spend the savings account for example? What is a wife to do if the husband makes foolish decisions and goes spending ridiculous amounts of the annual saved - up money in frivolities, not related to the family (ex: motorcycle, play station, gadgets, iPhones, etc)?

songbird · « **Reply #1 on:** October 11, 2016, 06:46:14 PM »

I remember this years, years ago. When my husband asked about a motorcycle, I said, where's the money? If not rent to have fun and put it back.

You want a sports car. Rent and have fun and put it back. It's like never saying no, but I, wife was the one put in charge of keeping the check book and paying bills.

Nadir · « **Reply #2 on:** October 11, 2016, 11:36:23 PM »

Have you discussed it with him?

nctradcath · « **Reply #3 on:** October 12, 2016, 06:14:39 AM »

You should speak to your priest.

TKGS · « **Reply #4 on:** October 12, 2016, 06:48:04 AM »

In any marriage, the husband would have the final say on such matters.

Saying that, however, doesn't mean that he can morally make any decision on such matters without regard to his family's needs and desires. While a wife must submit to her husband, a husband is commanded to love his wife as Christ loves the Church and be willing to lay down his life for her.

Is the man described in the opening post making such purchases with his wife and family in mind, for the good of their souls and for their temporal well-being now and into the future? If not, he has seriously forsaken his duties to his family. If he has good reasons, he needs to communicate them to his wife so that she can understand why these things are necessary for the family at this time so that there will be peace in the family and the wife will know her husband loves her.

I would never make a "major financial" decision without my wife's input and, preferably, her approval, not because I am required to have it, but, rather, because she knows why I am doing as I am doing and she knows that it is for the good of the family. Ultimately, the responsibility for those decisions is mine whether the outcomes were positive or negative. But, in the end, she still knows I did my best for her sake and not for selfish pursuits.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #5 on:** October 12, 2016, 07:32:31 AM »

It is the husband's decision.

If the husband does make a puerile or foolish choice about money, like buying a motorcycle, the wife can only lament her choice of husband and her taste in men. In this case, she obviously was attracted to men who liked to have fun, probably passing over many boring, responsible young men. But disrupting the family peace over it isn't going to accomplish anything.

This goes for men too. You marry a woman for her looks, but later find out she isn't the best wife. Maybe she's lousy at running a household. Maybe she likes to spend money on vanities. Maybe she's unfaithful.

There's a saying that goes, "You made your bed, now you gotta sleep in it."

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #6 on:** October 12, 2016, 11:35:17 AM »

Quote from: Nadir

Have you discussed it with him?

I (wife) am the one who is in charge of paying the bills, monthly budgets, bank statements, etc. I am the one who deals with all the money he makes and brings home. He does not bother me for anything. The problem is with the savings account in particular. Because each paycheck I make sure to put money into it for an annual savings. I notice a disturbing trend in him and it is that every year, he kinds of "obsess" about getting something, a new hobby, or new interest, and then he takes an extravagant bunch of money to purchase it on a foolish manner and then, there goes all the savings for the whole year and go back to square 1 financially.

What is my incentive to carefully budget so I can save money for the family for the long run, if I know it is going to go *poof* all of a sudden? I have talked to him about it, but he usually makes it sound as if it is of family interest. I think it is obviously a selfish interest that he tries to pass as something beneficial for the family.

Example: motorcycle. He said it was something he has purchasing so he can go back and forth to work in it and save money in gas, instead of driving our van, so we can have more money to spend on a monthly basis. The motorcycle has been there stuck in the garage for a full year and he is no longer interested (now he has recently gone prepper and it is completely obsessed buying expensive survival supplies. This, he says is to protect his family for the future eminent collapse - FEMA camps and all that) . He would not sell the motorcycle. He is proud to have ownership of his toys in the garage (I can understand that); but the problem is the careless, sudden, spending. He does not buy used, or in credit, like normal people do. But everything has to be "new", including vehicles, and mostly paid in cash.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #7 on:** October 12, 2016, 11:50:52 AM »

Quote from: Guest

It is the husband's decision.

If the husband does make a puerile or foolish choice about money, like buying a motorcycle, the wife can only lament her choice of husband and her taste in men. In this case, she obviously was attracted to men who liked to have fun, probably passing over many boring, responsible young men. But disrupting the family peace over it isn't going to accomplish anything.

This goes for men too. You marry a woman for her looks, but later find out she isn't the best wife. Maybe she's lousy at running a household. Maybe she likes to spend money on vanities. Maybe she's unfaithful.

There's a saying that goes, "You made your bed, now you gotta sleep in it."

Thumbs up! I can't believe 4 people thumbed this down. Ultimately it's the husband's decision. Striving for power with your husband is not going to accomplish anything. Obviously if he is set on buying a motorcycle for example, he's not easily going to drop that desire. Even if the wife stirs up a big stink about it with marital strife, yelling, and arguments, in the end she won't accomplish anything. Arguing seldom changes anyone's mind.

Ultimately, she should have married better if she really thinks he's being stupid.

Yes, she can try to reason with him and try to talk sense into him. But that's the limit of what she can do.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #8 on:** October 12, 2016, 11:55:28 AM »

I was going to say -- prepping is a clear case of "family interests" and well within the husband's prerogative. Is he the leader of your family, or are you?

Women seldom grasp the big picture as easily as men, nor are they as concerned with things external, such as worldly politics, as men. Women are mostly concerned with the monthly bills and the household budget. That's why God put the man in charge. Men are more likely to rise above "normalcy bias", or the idea that because it hasn't happened yet, it isn't likely to happen. In general men are more rational. They can ignore all the emotions and psychology, and see the plain facts for what they are. They see the writing on the wall, and wish to prepare accordingly.

If Noah's wife would have been in charge of that family, Noah would have been instructed by God or inspired to build the ark, but his wife would have complained endlessly about all the resources being poured into a huge boat being built in the middle of dry land. It never would have been built.

Imagine all the honey-do list items that went undone while Noah spent all his time building that ark. The yard probably looked like heck, the house repairs probably fell behind, and Noah probably didn't earn as much money for the family as usual. Mrs. Noah probably had to forego many of her usual activities (bingo night, etc.) and I'm sure many sacrifices were required of the family.

Ask yourself: if Mrs. Noah didn't keep a spiritual outlook in the matter, trusting in God and trusting her husband, wouldn't she have a lot to complain about, from her point of view? Of course she would have.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #9 on:** October 12, 2016, 12:24:43 PM »

Quote from: Guest

I was going to say -- prepping is a clear case of "family interests" and well within the husband's prerogative. Is he the leader of your family, or are you?

Women seldom grasp the big picture as easily as men, nor are they as concerned with things external, such as worldly politics, as men. Women are mostly concerned with the monthly bills and the household budget. That's why God put the man in charge. Men are more likely to rise above "normalcy bias", or the idea that because it hasn't happened yet, it isn't likely to happen. In general men are more rational. They can ignore all the emotions and psychology, and see the plain facts for what they are. They see the writing on the wall, and wish to prepare accordingly.

If Noah's wife would have been in charge of that family, Noah would have been instructed by God or inspired to build the ark, but his wife would have complained endlessly about all the resources being poured into a huge boat being built in the middle of dry land. It never would have been built.

Imagine all the honey-do list items that went undone while Noah spent all his time building that ark. The yard probably looked like heck, the house repairs probably fell behind, and Noah probably didn't earn as much money for the family as usual. Mrs. Noah probably had to forego many of her usual activities (bingo night, etc.) and I'm sure many sacrifices were required of the family.

Ask yourself: if Mrs. Noah didn't keep a spiritual outlook in the matter, trusting in God and trusting her husband, wouldn't she have a lot to complain about, from her point of view? Of course she would have.

All of that is good and well if a husband is acting as he should. This isn't the case with OP's husband. I think you have missed what she has said entirely. She has clear reasons to believe that his "prepping" is just another whim of his- like the motorcycle.

nctradcath · « **Reply #10 on:** October 12, 2016, 01:11:24 PM »

What is the point of the op other than to gain sympathy for sin and rebellion? The woman can decide based on internet sympathy that she now can become an evil wife and justify it to herself. Which would be sad because if she died in such a state it may lead her to hell due to mortal sin. I understand that she married a man who may be foolish with money, but she married him and this is her cross. His sin does not give her an excuse to sin. I am sure that the husband could name 50 things that irk him about his wife, but he keeps it to himself. She should too.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #11 on:** October 12, 2016, 01:26:55 PM »

Quote from: Guest

It is the husband's decision.

If the husband does make a puerile or foolish choice about money, like buying a motorcycle, the wife can only lament her choice of husband and her taste in men. In this case, she obviously was attracted to men who liked to have fun, probably passing over many boring, responsible young men. But disrupting the family peace over it isn't going to accomplish anything.

This goes for men too. You marry a woman for her looks, but later find out she isn't the best wife. Maybe she's lousy at running a household. Maybe she likes to spend money on vanities. Maybe she's unfaithful.

There's a saying that goes, "You made your bed, now you gotta sleep in it."

Sometimes, this happens or becomes noticeable just after marriage, when it is too late. You must be single.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #12 on:** October 12, 2016, 01:52:22 PM »

Is the husband objectively taking care of his family? Are you or your children literally starving? How many cut-off notices have you received for the electricity, water, gas, etc.? How many times has your home gone into foreclosure? Do you have at least one working vehicle to get you from point A to point B, and is that vehicle insured as required by law? Are any of your children wasting away from a disease that he refuses to spend money on treating?

When it comes to the best way of preparing for the future (insurance, prepping, savings accounts, etc.) that is up to the husband. Providing for the family is his department. He is responsible before God for his family. How can he be responsible, if he has no real power to do anything?

No, he is the head of the house, and not just a figurative head like the Queen of England.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #13 on:** October 12, 2016, 02:30:43 PM »

Quote from: Guest

All of that is good and well if a husband is acting as he should. This isn't the case with OP's husband. I think you have missed what she has said entirely. She has clear reasons to believe that his "prepping" is just another whim of his- like the motorcycle.

You must be a woman.

Even if he was imprudent or juvenile in the past, it isn't logical to conclude that he is wrong about prepping as well. "He was stupid in the past, so he's probably stupid now about this." No, that's not logical. Even a foolish man can make some wise decisions.

Each thing he does must be judged on its own merit. And as others have pointed out, the husband is the head of the family. You can plead and beg with him, but if he persists with his original course of action, the wife must acquiesce. Nagging him isn't going to do any good for the family.

Anyone with an ounce of wisdom knows that nagging or arguing doesn't ever change anyone's mind. It has nothing to do with husband and wife. 2 men arguing don't change each other's minds either. Arguing is a huge waste of time.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #14 on:** October 12, 2016, 02:31:47 PM »

My wife has never had to leave the home to work and has never run any type of home business. It really would be a nightmare for a family if the wife would be forced out of the house to find a job. Poverty, while meeting basic needs, would be better for the stability of a family.

Author Topic: Financial Matters in Marriage (Read 2034 times)

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