Hi all,

I came back to the faith properly around two years ago.

I was brought up cradle catholic, attended the new mass, I believed in God, but never took my faith seriously. I remember lying a lot as a child, I was quite rebellious. I bullied people at school (Partly because I was bullied but I know that's not any excuse). I was full of hate, took revenge on people, didn't care about anyone but myself. I would go to confession now and again, confess sins I had no intention of changing, took communion in a state of mortal sin, was mean to my ill granny, was in jobs when I didn;t do the work right, lie ALOT, went on nights out, wore revealing clothes, got drunk with boys etc all abusing God's mercy and thinking "i'll say sorry on my deathbed" kind of thing.

I've lived a pretty horrendous life.  I am mortified by my behaviour

I came back to the faith around two years ago and I've been trying to desperately change my ways, I'm doing lots of rosaries, going to latin mass, trying to get to confession regularly even over little sins.

However, I feel whatever I do, will never be enough for my reckless sinful behaviour. I read about padre pio and how people have spent many years in purgatory over things like a monk not genuflecting when being a sacristan. It also worries me that people have gone to hell over a few mortal sins, when I have committed so many. 

I feel like there's very little hope for me. 

Ditto to the above. Satan will temp you to despair but Our Lord will forgive all sins truly repented of. Keep praying and accept the graces God sends to you. 

Dante, an Italian Poet from the 13th Century, in his long poem, "Purgatorio," depicts those suffering in Purgatory as joyful, because they know their salvation is assured, since there is no Free Will after death.  So, there's no way for them to do anything but endure their suffering willingly, as Christ endured His on The Cross and then go on to Paradise, which Dante wrote about in "Paradisio."  

You say that you're feeling that there is no for you. On the contrary there is great hope for you.

Remember this?

Luke 15

[1] Now the publicans and sinners drew near unto him to hear him. [2] And the Pharisees and the scribes murmured, saying: This man receiveth sinners, and eateth with them. [3] And he spoke to them this parable, saying: [4] What man of you that hath an hundred sheep: and if he shall lose one of them, doth he not leave the ninety-nine in the desert, and go after that which was lost, until he find it? [5] And when he hath found it, lay it upon his shoulders, rejoicing: [6] And coming home, call together his friends and neighbours, saying to them: Rejoice with me, because I have found my sheep that was lost? [7] I say to you, that even so there shall be joy in heaven upon one sinner that doth penance, more than upon ninety-nine just who need not penance.

I too will pray for you.