Hi all,
I came back to the faith properly around two years ago.
I was brought up cradle catholic, attended the new mass, I believed in God, but never took my faith seriously. I remember lying a lot as a child, I was quite rebellious. I bullied people at school (Partly because I was bullied but I know that's not any excuse). I was full of hate, took revenge on people, didn't care about anyone but myself. I would go to confession now and again, confess sins I had no intention of changing, took communion in a state of mortal sin, was mean to my ill granny, was in jobs when I didn;t do the work right, lie ALOT, went on nights out, wore revealing clothes, got drunk with boys etc all abusing God's mercy and thinking "i'll say sorry on my deathbed" kind of thing.
I've lived a pretty horrendous life. I am mortified by my behaviour
I came back to the faith around two years ago and I've been trying to desperately change my ways, I'm doing lots of rosaries, going to latin mass, trying to get to confession regularly even over little sins.
However, I feel whatever I do, will never be enough for my reckless sinful behaviour. I read about padre pio and how people have spent many years in purgatory over things like a monk not genuflecting when being a sacristan. It also worries me that people have gone to hell over a few mortal sins, when I have committed so many.
I feel like there's very little hope for me.