Just a question for the more mature individuals browsing the site.

What would say are the effects on the children of divorcees when they grow up. In terms of their courtships and their marriages?

My parents stuck together (novus ordo).I am deeply grateful for that.

I notice however a different effect on those who come from broken homes.

My particular context is a single man looking to marry a good traditional Catholic woman. I have my own thoughts, which I will share, but I wanted to see what you all thought first. Of particular interest to me would be parents of young adults who have been looking to meet someone and the stories they have. 

Please, please be brutally honest. (Thats why I am posting in the anonymous forum!). I want the full truth. Do not sugar coat things (especially to the ladies who want to be nice!). Tell me what you really think!

Thanks!

If you come from a stable family and your future wife does too, why the question?

I come from a divorced home and it hits people differently. The eldest son in a divorced house in effect becomes a dad substitute and it's not a great place to be.

However I did marry 20 years ago and we are still together.

My sisters haven't done so well though.

Divorce is like a atom bomb that ripples down the generations. It's impossible for us one generation later to have normal family get togethers, and there's a fairly long list of subjects we never talk about.

There was a divorce in my family and out of the 3 affected kids, 1 divorced and the other 2 stayed married. The 2 that stayed married picked partners who were very stable, who stuck by them during periods of conflict.  So I think the divorce affected all of the kids the same but variables in the marriages led to the 1 getting divorced and the other 2 not divorcing.  The ones that stayed together did have periods of separation, alleged infidelity, addiction, and bankruptcy caused by spousal financial fraud.  So I wouldn't say the marriages were better or happier, they just didn't get divorced.  The 1 that divorced was not the petitioner rather the defendant in the lawsuit and tried to reconcile but the spouse refused. I also think temperament plays a role as the 1 who divorced was more confrontational than the others and didn't make a good marriage choice to begin with, marrying someone with an addiction who was violent.

As CS Lewis said, it's not like morality is a party pooper of sorts, telling you what fun you AREN'T ALLOWED TO have. No, that's completely the wrong way to look at God and His morality.
It is an INSTRUCTION MANUAL for how to run the human machine smoothly. If you commit sin, you WILL face consequences even in this life. Even sins you think have no victim -- there very much is a victim (maybe yourself?) and there are always negative consequences and miseries for someone(s).
You might be too shallow, narrow minded, ignorant, or low-IQ to be able to see it -- but God is much smarter than you. He sees all.
Things like self-abuse (masturbation), adultery, using people for their money, pretty much any sin -- they DO affect you, they DO affect society, and God is completely Good for forbidding all such toxic behaviors.

Complaining about God and His law "ruining my fun" is an extremely Low-IQ take.

God and His Church forbids divorce for a REASON. It creates damaged goods. It is not good for boys or girls to lack either a father or a mother -- especially under the circuмstances of divorce. Losing a father or mother to accident/illness/foul play is FAR LESS DAMAGING because at least you don't have drama in your household with arguments, baby daddies, infidelity, ex-boyfriends, etc. destroying your children's idea of Marriage. Better to lose a spouse to death than to lose him/her to divorce. Losing a spouse to death is NATURAL, for many reasons. Obviously death is a part of life now, after the Fall. But after a death, one can move on completely. Your new spouse doesn't have to be jealous, wonder if you're still contacting him, wondering if he'll be back in your life at some point in the future, have to fight with him, etc. See the difference? With a natural loss of spouse (to death) you don't have the chaos and drama that divorce brings. Think about it deeply for a while. Your deceased wife's family, for example, can be on perfectly good terms with you after her death -- and why wouldn't they? Assuming you didn't kill her of course. The kids can still associate with their maternal grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. That's just ONE aspect where death is far different to divorce.

For starters, a divorce is a rejection of that spouse. And your children are 1/2 that spouse! How can you be annoyed/hate your spouse, but claim to love your daughter who is SO MUCH like her personality-wise, and literally 1/2 her DNA? Also, you MARRY someone because you LOVE them -- so why do you divorce then? Because you stopped loving them? When will you stop living this or that child? Because you said you loved them? Heck, you said you loved your wife "until death do us part" too -- and yet here you are divorced. See the problem? Your love has been proven to be transitory and fickle. Your honor, your word, has become worthless.

I don't buy this "I still love him, but we have to get divorced." BULL. You "fell in love", got married, had children -- you stay together unless you start hating him for whatever reason. Even if you were NEUTRAL about him ("just friends") you would 100% stay together, especially if there are young children involved. And let's face it -- people hate someone for superficial THINGS, BELIEFS, HABITS, things about them that 90% of the time will be found in the children as well. Not just looks, but personality traits and habits. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

There should never be more than 1 living person on earth who knows you intimately. Sure, we all mock the internet 304s (hoes, whores, prostitutes) who have a ridiculously high body count. But what about a body count of 2 or 3? That's still very, very messed up objectively speaking. Just think about it. Having a man (or men) out there who know your wife intimately? That's insane. On an emotional and psychological level. WHAT IF women were inclined by nature to compare men to their past experiences? WHAT IF they sometimes thought of men they had in the past, a bit wistfully? Let's at least consider the very real possibility. That should illustrate just how messed up it is, and how it destroys families (and by extension, society itself).

The human being is a very complex creature, psychologically speaking. Much of it is a mystery, some of it is understood by psychologists. But God understands all of it. You can be certain that something as major as divorce (or having a series of different spouses) has serious psychological implications and consequences. We should consult and respect the Designer and His rules on how we are to operate that machine (Man).

You need to judge each individual how they are. Most families have some form of dysfunction in our time even if it’s not divorce. Coming from a ‘perfect’ traditional Catholic family does not even guarantee a child to be a good Catholic because of the world we live in. Look at Pier Giorgio Frassati. A family doesn’t have to define the child when they are child of Almighty God.

Thought I would comment since I have experience in the matter. I also choose to kindly stand up for Catholics that face humiliation by being called “damaged goods.” We can be good priests. We can be good Religious. We can be good spouses and parents. God gives certain crosses to those that carry it well. Only He knows why such crosses aren’t given to other people.

You know who is allergic to humiliation (especially when no "humiliation" was intended)? The proud. Taking offense when none was intended is a huge red flag that you have pride issues.

What do you think I mean when I call all children of divorce "damaged goods"? What are you picturing, what is included with that "package" in your mind? I'd love to know.

Being objectively "damaged goods" is a simple fact, not a slur or insult. Having divorced parents is an evil, as in a privation. By definition, you were deprived of something you should have had. You think you are OK, and maybe you've dealt with it relatively well by the grace of God, maybe you've used it as an occasion for growth in virtue. But that doesn't mean you wouldn't have been better off if you had both parents. Or that you'd recommend parental divorce for your friends.

You're confusing "looking on the bright side" with what is normal or ideal.

A man could learn *many* life lessons the hard way. We're talking dumb decisions, sins, bad luck, etc. But would the man claim he was better off because he ruined his life in various ways when he was young? Of course not. Sure, he might have dealt with various bad consequences, made the best of it, found God and/or grew deeper in his Faith, got extremely lucky with the help of God and his guardian angel, etc. but the fact is: what he chose was objectively bad, he objectively damaged his soul, it could have turned out much worse, and he shouldn't have done it.

Of course we all have to deal with the circuмstances life throws at us and grow as individuals -- grow closer to God, increase in virtue, etc. That goes without saying.

But there are only 3 possible choices here, for children of divorce:
1. Divorce is ideal, and good for children. (The lucky children are those whose parents get divorced)
2. Divorce is completely "neither here nor there" for childrens' emotional well-being. (Children don't even notice it; totally unaffected by it.)
3. Divorce is negative for children. Only question is how much, how they will deal with it, how much damage is done, and in what way(s).

I think options 1 and 2 are ridiculous.

When people wake up and realize that marriage (Catholic marriage) is a vocation and earthly martyrdom putting themselves 2nd to their family, we will be back to "normalcy". It's not about you, it's about your service and sacrifice to God and others which pleases him. 

Marriage is not about happiness or "having babies" just to "have babies" and talking to your other trad married girlfriends about the latest thing your husband did to annoy you.

Two things you always used to hear concerning divorce -

"Divorce breeds Divorce"

and

"We are staying together for the sake of the children."  (This, said by parents who wanted to protect their children from the effects of divorce.)