Author Topic: Does a potential spouse have a right to know sɛҳuąƖ history before marriage? (Read 56122 times)

Matthew · « **Reply #75 on:** November 11, 2024, 02:19:17 PM »

I just heard a story about a teacher who passed around a dish of hard peppermint candies to his class. There was one unwrapped peppermint in the dish.
Once every student got a piece, the teacher took back the dish and obviously the unwrapped candy remained in the dish.
The teacher pointed out that those who didn't save themselves for marriage were like the unwrapped candy. No one would choose that on purpose -- unless they had no choice.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #76 on:** November 11, 2024, 04:23:52 PM »

Quote from: Änσnymσus on November 11, 2024, 12:16:30 PM

Good to have a woman's perspective on this, thanks. If you don't mind can you express more on what you mean by insecure and paranoid? You do not need to answer if you do not want to.

Paranoid that the woman(s) that he was intimate with would come back and obsess over him. Over that he was secretly in contact with her. Insecure cause he might compare them to me.

And a virgin man, especially a good-looking one, who fought off temptations seems that he has good self-control and discipline, and probably in other areas in his life. It makes me emotionally secure as well knowing I'm the only one he's been with and vice versa, and like Matthew mentioned, no drama.

I observed men who have been with a woman long-term before they broke up, and they seem to still love/care for them. The saying to "get over it" is easier said than done.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #77 on:** November 11, 2024, 04:43:22 PM »

Quote from: Änσnymσus on December 24, 2020, 02:40:35 AM

For example virginity, how many partners, whether one was abused or not, etc?

Pamphleteer Fr. Daniel Lord, SJ said that the answer is NO, assuming that the sin had been confessed and it was not being committed anymore.

I myself have a sinful past and I wouldn't want a potential spouse to know about it.

A person with a STD has a moral obligation to tell the truth to a potential spouse.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #78 on:** November 11, 2024, 04:50:08 PM »

We have a female family member who was able to obtain a pre-V2 annulment because her "husband" had been civilly married before and his first wife divorced him because he could not perform sɛҳuąƖly. The marriage could not be consumated.

Matthew · « **Reply #79 on:** November 11, 2024, 05:43:38 PM »

Quote

I just heard a story about a teacher who passed around a dish of hard peppermint candies to his class. There was one unwrapped peppermint in the dish.
Once every student got a piece, the teacher took back the dish and obviously the unwrapped candy remained in the dish.
The teacher pointed out that those who didn't save themselves for marriage were like the unwrapped candy. No one would choose that on purpose -- unless they had no choice.

Disappointed that we have 2 (!) morally liberal cowards on CathInfo, who apparently believe in sex before marriage (?)

Downvoted for the quoted post above? Please explain how a Catholic in good standing could disagree with the quoted post.

I'm not one to complain about downvotes, especially just 1 or 2 of them. But when I see a poll like "Is Abortion morally OK?" and 2 CathInfo members vote "Yes", it's going to get my attention. Because the ONLY acceptable number is ZERO.

josh987654321 · « **Reply #80 on:** November 11, 2024, 06:12:39 PM »

Quote from: Matthew on November 11, 2024, 02:19:17 PM

I just heard a story about a teacher who passed around a dish of hard peppermint candies to his class. There was one unwrapped peppermint in the dish.
Once every student got a piece, the teacher took back the dish and obviously the unwrapped candy remained in the dish.
The teacher pointed out that those who didn't save themselves for marriage were like the unwrapped candy. No one would choose that on purpose -- unless they had no choice.

lol, that's a good one.

Furthermore, when I was that age, I just knew simply that if I didn't want my future wife whoever that would be one day to sleep around then it would be just as wrong if I were to do it to her.

It's a very sad state of affairs today. I have hope in that I only need to find the right one though.

I would not write a woman off entirely with a history, but the larger the history the higher the chances of writing them off, of course, there are things which can help make up for it, such as repentance, holiness, humility etc... but nobody is so foolish as to think it is ignored and doesn't go in the 'CONS' column. That being said, if a woman is truly repentant and a man has knowingly made that choice, it should not be used as a club to beat her over the head with or an unfair advantage in settling disputes.

I also have a question, if you married a woman with a history, would you want to know who she had slept with or would you rather not know? Furthermore, what if that person became a work colleague or something, you would not want to have such a person in either of your lives at all in any capacity.

That also being said, any woman or man involved in sleeping around, the sooner they stop the better and it's not all over and they shouldn't just 'give up' as the more they continue the more the CONS column increases.

God Bless

Gray2023 · « **Reply #81 on:** November 11, 2024, 06:44:41 PM »

Quote from: Matthew on November 11, 2024, 05:43:38 PM

Disappointed that we have 2 (!) morally liberal cowards on CathInfo, who apparently believe in sex before marriage (?)

Downvoted for the quoted post above? Please explain how a Catholic in good standing could disagree with the quoted post.

I'm not one to complain about downvotes. But when I see a poll like "Is Abortion morally OK?" and 2 CathInfo members vote "Yes", it's going to get my attention. Because the acceptable number is ZERO.

That is shocking. Maybe it was an accident.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #82 on:** November 11, 2024, 06:56:02 PM »

Quote from: josh987654321 on November 11, 2024, 06:12:39 PM

they shouldn't just 'give up' as the more they continue the more the CONS column increases.

I feel quite depressed thinking about this. I am a man with 1 previous partner (no emotional attachment to her, I've never had a gf or relationship), frankly I wouldn't marry a women with any past at all (when ever I find out a girl has had a past even to the smallest degree I immediately lose all interest), but at the same time I don't have much hope that a virgin women would want/accept me even if I could make up for it in other areas.

Giovanni Berto · « **Reply #83 on:** November 11, 2024, 07:00:52 PM »

It is probably not a moral obligation do disclose all previous adventures to your future spouse, but it does not seem to be the wise thing to do to me.

Of course the best thing is when both sides have never had any previous sɛҳuąƖ experience, but, in my opinion, if people obsess over it, they might let go of a very good potential spouse who is a sincere convert.

Matthew · « **Reply #84 on:** November 11, 2024, 08:53:03 PM »

As for those with a past, let's just say "being used goods" is only ONE factor out of countless factors that go into making up one's Marriage Market Value. Generally speaking, water seeks its own level and you wouldn't WANT a huge mismatch a.k.a. a spouse "you didn't deserve" or "out of your league". You never know, nature might "right the wrong" by the spouse eventually cheating on you, once he/she figures out what a poor deal he got. Water seeks its own level. For a stable marriage, make sure you both have Total Scores in the same ballpark, when considering all the Factors:

Intelligence
Beauty
Health
Age
Wealth/income/career
Skills/talents
Personality/virtue/holiness
Virginity
Family/social support structure
etc.

If you're perfect, you can hold out for a perfect spouse. But in each area YOU are deficient, you have to be lenient in your choice of spouse as well. If you're a 5/10, you can't expect the universe to give you a 10/10 spouse. Frankly, you don't deserve it. Unless you're super healthy, rich, a renaissance man with dozens of skills, etc. then an ugly man could have a stable marriage with a 10/10 woman.

Also, for men, realize that hypergamy is a thing. If your wife could easily have done better than you, that's not a good foundation for a stable marriage. She's not dumb, especially if she has any female friends, and eventually she might be at least TEMPTED to try for another spouse, more in line with what she originally "deserved".

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #85 on:** November 11, 2024, 11:20:46 PM »

Quote from: Matthew on November 11, 2024, 05:43:38 PM

Disappointed that we have 2 (!) morally liberal cowards on CathInfo, who apparently believe in sex before marriage (?)

Downvoted for the quoted post above? Please explain how a Catholic in good standing could disagree with the quoted post.

I'm not one to complain about downvotes, especially just 1 or 2 of them. But when I see a poll like "Is Abortion morally OK?" and 2 CathInfo members vote "Yes", it's going to get my attention. Because the ONLY acceptable number is ZERO.

Just a guess but I'm thinking the down thumbs came from a couple women with "a past." I suppose it could also be one of those "macho" types where they disagree because they see that the vast majority of women DO want a man with a past and do choose the men with no wrapper.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #86 on:** November 11, 2024, 11:54:09 PM »

Quote from: Änσnymσus on November 11, 2024, 11:20:46 PM

Just a guess but I'm thinking the down thumbs came from a couple women with "a past." I suppose it could also be one of those "macho" types where they disagree because they see that the vast majority of women DO want a man with a past and do choose the men with no wrapper.

I heard from a traditional Catholic girl that having a boyfriend/girlfriend is okay (SSPX raised), I didn't enquire for then to clarify what they meant, but it seems improper. I do not want a girl to compare me to other men who have 'romanced' her.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #87 on:** November 12, 2024, 12:13:51 AM »

Quote from: Matthew on November 11, 2024, 08:53:03 PM

Intelligence
Beauty
Health
Age
Wealth/income/career
Skills/talents
Personality/virtue/holiness
Virginity
Family/social support structure
etc.

If you're perfect, you can hold out for a perfect spouse. But in each area YOU are deficient, you have to be lenient in your choice of spouse as well. If you're a 5/10, you can't expect the universe to give you a 10/10 spouse. Frankly, you don't deserve it. Unless you're super healthy, rich, a renaissance man with dozens of skills, etc. then an ugly man could have a stable marriage with a 10/10 woman.

Also, for men, realize that hypergamy is a thing. If your wife could easily have done better than you, that's not a good foundation for a stable marriage. She's not dumb, especially if she has any female friends, and eventually she might be at least TEMPTED to try for another spouse, more in line with what she originally "deserved".

The things you listed, they have different weights for men and women respectively. A women for example can easily make herself appear more beautiful then she actually is but men cannot do this. Also men are expected to have the wealth not women, so wealth in a women has less weight than wealth in a man.

Still a handsome rich man will be able to get away with much more than someone is is merely above average. It's frustrating how girls act around a man who is handsome even compared to someone who is nearly handsome but not quite there. I think you are severely overestimate what a rich ugly skilled man can get, a 10/10 women would be likely to get offspring from someone else if you know what I mean...

Half your list is stuff outside your control, like family, having an attractive face (unless you get surgery), intelligence, even health and aging is heavily effected by genetics, some guys go bald in their late teens for instance. Life's quite unfair, some people are simply more blessed by God than others, and the more you are given the more is expected from you. (Though the ones who are truely and actually blessed are the elect)

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #88 on:** November 12, 2024, 12:17:11 AM »

Quote from: Änσnymσus on November 11, 2024, 11:54:09 PM

I heard from a traditional Catholic girl that having a boyfriend/girlfriend is okay (SSPX raised), I didn't enquire for then to clarify what they meant, but it seems improper. I do not want a girl to compare me to other men who have 'romanced' her.

That picture is brutal, doing the math she was 19 in 1958, so yeah women weren't much better back then. Reminds me of the movie Titanic, where the women is on her deathbed and instead of thinking about her husband she thinks of the hot guy who died she committed adultery with on her fiancé.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #89 on:** November 12, 2024, 12:28:04 AM »

Quote from: Änσnymσus on November 12, 2024, 12:17:11 AM

That picture is brutal, doing the math she was 19 in 1958, so yeah women weren't much better back then. Reminds me of the movie Titanic, where the women is on her deathbed and instead of thinking about her husband she thinks of the hot guy who died she committed adultery with on her fiancé.

Pic related is why women are supposed to get married in their teens. Jews ruined everything.

Author Topic: Does a potential spouse have a right to know sɛҳuąƖ history before marriage? (Read 56122 times)

Matthew

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Änσnymσus

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Änσnymσus

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Änσnymσus

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Matthew

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josh987654321

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Gray2023

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Änσnymσus

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Giovanni Berto

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Matthew

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Änσnymσus

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Änσnymσus

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Änσnymσus

Re: Does a potential spouse have a right to know sɛҳuąƖ history before marriage?

Änσnymσus

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