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Traditional Catholic Faith => Anσnymσus Posts Allowed => Topic started by: Änσnymσus on February 19, 2019, 11:19:11 AM

Title: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on February 19, 2019, 11:19:11 AM
I have been friendly to so many people in my adult life, yet I currently have no friends IRL. All I have are some acquaintances, most of whom are a generation older than me. Some have moved away, others left my chapel or group and cut off from me, and others actually turned on me, betrayed me, or became my actual enemy. People say you have to be a friend to make a friend, but that doesn't always work. I've invested in countless friendships and they always end for some reason beyond my control. It's sad and kind of depressing.
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on February 19, 2019, 11:40:20 AM
Maybe others will have more practical advice, but first, from a spiritual standpoint, it could be that God is trying to teach you that He is your only true Friend, and wants to draw you closer to Him.  Our Lord once said to St. Margaret Mary Alacoque when she had no human consolation:  "Am I not sufficient for thee?"

Nevertheless, have you prayed to ask for a good friend here on earth?  You could try that, and maybe also try praying to know if there is anything you need to do differently which might help you find & retain a good friend.  
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on February 19, 2019, 12:08:50 PM
Although I share mutual friendships with acquaintances, I have zero friends - and am quite happy.
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on February 19, 2019, 01:16:44 PM
Maybe others will have more practical advice, but first, from a spiritual standpoint, it could be that God is trying to teach you that He is your only true Friend, and wants to draw you closer to Him.  Our Lord once said to St. Margaret Mary Alacoque when she had no human consolation: "Am I not sufficient for thee?"

Nevertheless, have you prayed to ask for a good friend here on earth?  You could try that, and maybe also try praying to know if there is anything you need to do differently which might help you find & retain a good friend.  
I actually thought of that already, and I do feel closer to Our Lord as a result. Still, I think it's sad on a human level that all my friends in the same state of life (childbearing years) always move on for some reason. It's especially sad that good people, God's own, hopefully future saints, can't socialize or share company with each other in this life. And it's not just myself I feel sorry for. Perhaps I can grow spiritually from it, but what about my children? They will want companionship, and I fear they will befriend worldlings and noncatholics out of desperation in the future. So many good traditional Catholic families have come and gone.
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on February 19, 2019, 03:26:14 PM
I can share my experience with you that is similar. As a young adult and teenager I always had a lot of "friends", aquaintances and "good friends" I put it on quotes because as you can imagine modern society friendship is based, mostly, on the if your good to me I m good to you principle and they just portrayed themselves as friends as long as I was with them doing the same sinful things with them (drinking, partying, etc). My "friends" and I were the typical fools who only laugh, mock and talk nonsense. Then by the grace of God I converted and started to depart from my friends and my wicked ways and repented since then I never made a true friend, it brings you closer to God and helps you to meditate on him ( "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night." Psalm 1:1-2). Bishop Williamson mention once on a sermon something very accurate, if your a Catholic you can live with your atheistic family every day and night of your early days but they dont understand you but if you fly to the other side of the planet and find a complete different individual who is a Catholic like you, in a good day of talk and chat or less you get someone who relates to every single thing you say. But I must admit aswell that it is very lonely and sometimes depressing not to have someone to talk and share a word. King Solomon left us this saying of great wisdom "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Miseremini on February 19, 2019, 03:41:40 PM
People will come in and out of your life constantly.  Take the good experiences and learn from the bad.
Because of all this tech crap the art of real personal communication has been lost so it is much more difficult to form lasting friendships in this day and age.
Set your standards and goals and stick to them .......you never know what tomorrow will bring or if
there will be a tomorrow.
Stay on the path you've set and only associate with those on the same path.
Then pray, hope and don't worry.
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on February 19, 2019, 03:56:29 PM
I've read that over the last few decades, thanks to a number of causes(but I'd reckon the internet is a HUGE one), people's sense of belonging and also their average number of close friends have dropped significantly. Your problem is not uncommon, there's actually a loneliness epidemic in the West now. Compound that with the fact that so much of modern socialisation is degenerate and out of bounds for Trad Catholics, it's not a surprise you have this issue. 
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on February 19, 2019, 04:47:04 PM
I can say "been there, done it."  Our family was in an independent traditional parish.  It was very nice.  After 10 years, had good people, but the priest died and I found out there was 5 different sets of people.  They split! To Pius X, CMRI, another independent, back to the Indult and some went home.  When we left to find anther traditional, we had to, we were called traitors.  Lost all of those people except a few.

You go on and others will come in time.  And yes, Christ IS your Best Friend!  Read Matthew 24 and Chapter 12 of Daniel.  The bible says you can expect these tribulations. Whenever something like this, comes your way, ask yourself what you have learned.  Our Lady, also, went through tribulations and sorrows and in the City of God, She lets you know by "instructions" what is learned.
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on February 19, 2019, 05:12:09 PM
Yes, I've have two guy-friends, who are now sedevacantist, for over 7 years, with whom I communicate weekly.
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Geremia on February 19, 2019, 05:14:33 PM
Our Lord once said to St. Margaret Mary Alacoque when she had no human consolation: "Am I not sufficient for thee?"
That is not to say friendships in this vale of tears shouldn't be sought. St. Thomas Aquinas highly praises good friendships, even saying that the relationship between a husband and wife is the highest form of friendship.
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on February 19, 2019, 07:04:28 PM
That is not to say friendships in this vale of tears shouldn't be sought. St. Thomas Aquinas highly praises good friendships, even saying that the relationship between a husband and wife is the highest form of friendship.
I know; that's why in my very next sentence, I recommended praying to find a good friend, etc...  
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on February 19, 2019, 07:05:54 PM
... Perhaps I can grow spiritually from it, but what about my children? They will want companionship, and I fear they will befriend worldlings and noncatholics out of desperation in the future. So many good traditional Catholic families have come and gone.
Are you currently married, with children? 
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Geremia on February 20, 2019, 12:41:30 PM
what about my children? They will want companionship, and I fear they will befriend worldlings and noncatholics out of desperation in the future. So many good traditional Catholic families have come and gone.
Pray they enter religious life and cloister themselves from the world.
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on February 20, 2019, 01:54:39 PM
I have one good friend who lives 1,000 miles from me.  We communicate mainly by phone and text.  If we're so blessed, we see each other about a week of each year.  There are no traditional Catholics in my every day life.  I'm not married and have no children.  Aside from work, where I have a few casual friends, "religious" Protestants with whom I share at least moral standards, I'm on my own.  Yes, I've tried to convert them, but really, it doesn't sound appealing to stay home alone, and the majority of them are the only church-goers in their families. 
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on February 20, 2019, 02:44:25 PM
My only good friend and confidant moved far away several years ago, and I have only my immediate family to call friends. Of course, I can't really share many deep feelings with them, so I have only my prayer life and Our Lady and the saints to confide in and empty my heart and worries to. Actually, it was probably much for the best that my friend moved, since she wasn't Catholic and was a very poor Protestant, and not the kind of friend who lifts one onward towards heaven, rather one who pulls in the other direction. I think I'm better off.
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Vintagewife3 on February 21, 2019, 01:15:05 PM
I have a few good friends I know I can depend on, but I’ve had my run in with unfavorable peopel too. It’s important to have a vetting process.
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: jvk on February 21, 2019, 02:54:03 PM
Same here.  I can't remember which Saint addresses this topic.  I think it was St Francis de Sales in Introduction to the Devout Life, but I'm not sure.  He discusses what true friendship is, and why it's actually better to have fewer, but better, friends. 

Right now I don't have any really close friends (physically--I have a couple long-distance ones), and I really miss that female companionship sometimes.  But I've learned over the years to trust in God.  He sends what I need most just when I happen to need it. 

I'm trying to instill that same concept in my children.  It helps to have a large family, with close age ranges.   :) 
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on February 21, 2019, 03:13:32 PM
Real friends will never turn on you, will help you get to heaven, and are all but non-existent in this world. For those that have found one, consider yourself extremely blessed.


"A faithful friend is a strong defense: and he that hath found him, hath found a treasure." - Ecclesiasticus 6:14

Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on March 18, 2019, 06:11:31 PM
Maybe you should have a good look at yourself as to why some of you have so few friends. It could be that you’re not very nice people. Maybe if you were more saintly, more people would be attracted to you. You don’t have to only be friends with people you deem ‘worthy’. That might be the answer you’re looking for. 
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on March 18, 2019, 06:19:14 PM
Maybe you should have a good look at yourself as to why some of you have so few friends. It could be that you’re not very nice people. Maybe if you were more saintly, more people would be attracted to you. You don’t have to only be friends with people you deem ‘worthy’. That might be the answer you’re looking for.

Uh, nice of you to think the worst of me, but no.

Let's review my original post.


Quote
I have been friendly to so many people in my adult life, yet I currently have no friends IRL. All I have are some acquaintances, most of whom are a generation older than me. Some have moved away, others left my chapel or group and cut off from me, and others actually turned on me, betrayed me, or became my actual enemy. People say you have to be a friend to make a friend, but that doesn't always work. I've invested in countless friendships and they always end for some reason beyond my control. It's sad and kind of depressing.

I am friendly to everyone, and not that picky. No, all of my friends don't have to be perfect. Besides, if I am the picky one, then why am I rejected, instead of rejecting others as you suggest? And why do you assume there was a huge pool of potential friends to begin with? Many Catholics are isolated nowadays.

Did you even read the OP? People left the chapel, moved away, and others betrayed me. How could my being picky cause any of that? Who leaves a geographic area because one guy is a jerk? Nevermind the fact I specifically stated I have been friendly.

If I'm a pathological liar then why even bother discussing on this thread? Forum discussion can't happen without some basic level of trust or at least benefit of the doubt. Besides, you have no reason to believe I am a liar. Normal people presume truthfulness and discuss from there. Only a troll jumps in and calls someone a liar for absolutely no reason.
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on March 19, 2019, 05:44:04 AM
Real friends will never turn on you, will help you get to heaven, and are all but non-existent in this world. For those that have found one, consider yourself extremely blessed.


"A faithful friend is a strong defense: and he that hath found him, hath found a treasure." - Ecclesiasticus 6:14
OP, these ^^^ are the *only* type of friends you should be seeking.

Better to have only "some acquaintances", rather than those who betray you, cut you off, turn on you or becomes your enemy (supposed friends). I too am in, and have been in the same situation my whole life. I have also watched many people with "friends" experience the exact same things as you and I, and I am sure that most (all?) reading this thread, if they are honest, would admit that they too have had the same type of friends that we have had because those types of friends are literally, everywhere.








 
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on March 19, 2019, 02:20:04 PM
I actually thought of that already, and I do feel closer to Our Lord as a result. Still, I think it's sad on a human level that all my friends in the same state of life (childbearing years) always move on for some reason. It's especially sad that good people, God's own, hopefully future saints, can't socialize or share company with each other in this life. And it's not just myself I feel sorry for. Perhaps I can grow spiritually from it, but what about my children? They will want companionship, and I fear they will befriend worldlings and noncatholics out of desperation in the future. So many good traditional Catholic families have come and gone.
So you have children, ifs your husband still living with you? If yes, then work on that relationship as he is supposed to be the best friend Our Lord has given you. When your spouse is your best friend, as it should be, then you would not worry about having other friends. 
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on March 19, 2019, 02:49:19 PM
Quote
When your spouse is your best friend, as it should be, then you would not worry about having other friends. 
This is a blessing, not the norm. 
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on March 19, 2019, 03:55:13 PM
This is a blessing, not the norm.  
So if your spouse is pretty much your best friend, then you can't or shouldn't hope for any other friends? Not even friends/couples that you and your spouse are both friends with?
Title: Re: Do you have many good friends?
Post by: Änσnymσus on March 19, 2019, 04:16:48 PM
Quote
So if your spouse is pretty much your best friend, then you can't or shouldn't hope for any other friends? Not even friends/couples that you and your spouse are both friends with?
Agree.  Your spouse is not supposed to be your only social outlet.  Maybe that works for some couples, if they are more introverted and don't need a lot of social interaction.  For most people, expecting your spouse to fulfill all of your social needs is naive.