Hi all, sorry about this post.

I know that I need to just forgive, forget, move on. But usually when people hurt me, I tend to distance myself from them - always have done my whole life. But I can't really with my mother in law.

I'm not perfect myself, I struggle with forgiveness and bitterness.

My mother in law is very kind and generous, helped us buy property etc - i'm so lucky and forever grateful.

But she's also quite difficult.

Since day one of meeting my husband, she's always been very critical of my hair, one of the first times I met her she went out and bought me a ton of hair products telling me my hair needs to be softer and basically "look better".

I found staying at my parents in law quite claustrophobic, I would often get compared with my sister in law, despite me being like 4 years younger and from a completly different background etc but I've always brushed it off and thought its one of those things. We would play board games and if I get a difficult question right, in the past,my mother I-L,  mumbled, "clearly looked at the answer"


I think I feel angry about my mother in law when I suffered from a traumatic pregnancy. I ended up staying at their house during the pregnancy for support. The baby wasn't growing and I got preeclampsia. My kidneys and liver was shutting down and my body started filling with fluid -which started to paralyse me. If I ever complained about being in pain- I would get silenced and she would say "pregnancy is not a disease". 

A week after my stillbirth, and they said I could go home and have daily visits, my husband and father in law wheeled me to the car upon leaving (I was nearly completely paralysed with body fluid at that point) and I sat in the car whilst I waited for my husband/fatherI-L to collect me things. She then pounced on me, giving me this long lecture, how I was too young to get pregnant (I wss 27) how her a her daughter waited till they were in their 30's. How silly I was to tell people on facebook I was pregnant and how she didn't tell anybody. She also went on about how I shouldn't have an incubator baby and it was a blessing the baby died - I just sat there in disbelief - I think the kindest thing to say is "sorry for your loss".


Things were hard the next few weeks, I couldn't walk, I was severly anemic, coming into hospital and getting blood transfusions - all she went on about was the state of my hair. She kept telling me she was going to drive me to the hairdressers. I honestly didn't care - I just wanted to get my health back and mourn.


Anyhoo, sorry about the rant. I hope i'm not sinning, as I am being mean and unforgiving. I just find it hard to see this women.  

Lord have mercy.

Many years ago I also had a miscarriage, so I can understand your need to mourn and to heal.

About healing .... read the labels on all hair and body care products before buying or using them. Commercial hair care products can possibly kill you and an unborn child. Read the labels. Almost all are loaded with chemicals in them. If you cannot pronounce it, it is probably not good for you or your children.  

When I took several courses in early childhood education, our professors were convinced that our modern processed foods, commercialized body care products with all their chemicals, and the increasing number of vaccines were causing an increase in miscarriages, birth defects, and auto immune diseases in moms and in their children. These professors also suggested that autism and other childhood diseases were caused by our modern love affair with chemicals and drugs.  Consider that GRAS (Generally Regarded as Safe) ingredients are not even tested for safety, yet GRAS ingredients are found in our foods, our body care products, our health supplements, and even in our medications.

By the way, my doctor told me to wash my hair only once every two weeks, or even better only once a month. It was difficult to follow his advice at first, but I am glad that I did.

Currently I wash my hair by pouring a solution of one quart of warm water + 1/3 cup of baking soda. I scrub my hair while pouring this solution over my hair and I do this two times. Each time I towel dry my hair. Then I rinse my hair with warm water, and immediately follow that with a rinse of one quart of warm water + 1/4 cup of organic  apple cider vinegar. Again, I towel dry my hair, gently. If my scalp and hair feels too dry and is difficult to manage, I add a drop or two of argan oil (longer hair needs at least two drops). This softens my hair, gives it body, and gives it a nice shine too.

Know that I will pray for you, your husband, and your mother-in-law.