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Author Topic: Courtship Questions  (Read 3037 times)

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Courtship Questions
« on: November 21, 2014, 06:29:43 PM »
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  • I have some questions about courtship that I was hoping I could get some answers for.  I'll number them to make responding to them easier.  

    1.  Are there any good traditional Catholic resources on the subject of courtship and marriage for those interested in courting or currently are in a courtship?  Articles, sermons, etc.?  

    2.  What kind of physical "stuff" is permitted in a courtship situation, and does this change at all during engagement?  Obviously, it cannot be an occasion of sin for either party and also not raise scandal.  Some things specifically:

    A.  Kissing.  I assume a kiss on the cheek or forehead is just fine.  Is a peck on the lips ever acceptable?

    B.  Hugging.  Okay?  

    C.  Linked arms, hand holding.  

    D.  What about a situation where a courting couple is sitting together, and let's say the man puts his arm around the female party, around the shoulder, and she leans into his shoulder.  Okay?  

    3.  Chaperones.  How do these work when parents are out of the general picture (both parties are on their own, possibly even far from parents period)?  May a courting couple never be left alone?  What do chaperones do anyway?  I guess I have a difficult time seeing how a couple could properly discern marriage when they don't even have a private moment together...but then again, the sins of the flesh send a lot of people to Hell.  

    4.  Any other advice or comments?


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    Courtship Questions
    « Reply #1 on: November 21, 2014, 07:03:30 PM »
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  • Good questions. I don't have time to answer them all right now, but Fr. Doran gave some excellent sermons on this topic back in Post Falls in 1995 or so, and some version or another of these used to be available for purchase at the Winona seminary. Not sure if they still are.  



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    Courtship Questions
    « Reply #2 on: November 21, 2014, 11:53:39 PM »
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  • Quote from: Guest
    3.  Chaperones.  How do these work when parents are out of the general picture (both parties are on their own, possibly even far from parents period)?  May a courting couple never be left alone?  What do chaperones do anyway?  I guess I have a difficult time seeing how a couple could properly discern marriage when they don't even have a private moment together...but then again, the sins of the flesh send a lot of people to Hell.  


    There are places which are private and yet not alone. Meet at a park* and pick a nice bench where you can sit and talk. Bring a picnic or go to a restaurant. These things offer the sort of privacy that fosters solid get-to-know-you conversation, but are not dangerous to your purity.

    Meet at the destination when possible. If not possible, it's alright if you don't walk her back to her door. Say goodbye at the curb.

    *A park where there are other people! Not all public parks meet this requirement.

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    Courtship Questions
    « Reply #3 on: November 22, 2014, 09:30:21 AM »
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  • You would find this useful...

    Clean Love in Courtship
    Rev. Fr. Lawrence Lovasik S.V.D. & Thomas A. Nelson

    Price: $5.95  


    Item No. 2127
    ISBN: 9780895550958
    Publisher: Saint Benedict Press, LLC
    Imprint: TAN Books


    This booklet contains practical, no nonsense advice on the subjects of dating and choosing a marriage partner all from the Catholic theological viewpoint. Father Lovasik points out clearly what one's moral obligations are in this area- an invaluable aid to youthful readers. Plus he demonstrates that Catholic marriage is different and why it is important to choose a partner who is of the Catholic Faith if one would insure his or her personal happiness in marriage. With the rampant dangers to impurity today, with the lax moral standards of a large segment of our society, with divorce at epidemic levels, Clean Love in Courtship will be a welcome source of light and guidance to Catholics serious about their faith.



    About The Author
    Father Lawrence G. Lovasik, S.V.D., was born in 1913 at Tarentum, Pennsylvania. Born to Slovak parents, he was the oldest of eight children, and became a student of the Sacred Heart Mission Seminary at the age of twelve. In 1938, he was ordained a priest and subsequently began missionary work in the coal and steel regions of the United States. He was drawn to writing as a result of his desire to represent Christ among the people he served as a missionary. Father Lovasik is the author of A Novena of Holy Communions, What Catholics Believe, and Clean Love in Courtship.

    https://tanbooks.benedictpress.com/index.php/Clean-Love-in-Courtship


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    Courtship Questions
    « Reply #5 on: November 22, 2014, 09:39:50 AM »
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  • Offline Matthew

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    Courtship Questions
    « Reply #6 on: November 22, 2014, 10:14:11 AM »
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  • Quote from: Guest
    http://www.olvrc.com/culture/Courtship.pdf



    I highly recommend the link above for every Catholic, married (your kids will grow up someday) and single!
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    Courtship Questions
    « Reply #7 on: November 22, 2014, 11:16:57 AM »
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  • Quote from: Matthew
    Quote from: Guest
    http://www.olvrc.com/culture/Courtship.pdf



    I highly recommend the link above for every Catholic, married (your kids will grow up someday) and single!


    One of many reasons this is so good is that it defines 'company keeping'.

    Father just lays it all out straight.


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    Courtship Questions
    « Reply #8 on: November 22, 2014, 11:18:28 AM »
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  • Quote from: Guest
    http://www.olvrc.com/culture/Courtship.pdf


    I had not read this and I really enjoyed it, thanks.

    Offline poche

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    Courtship Questions
    « Reply #9 on: November 22, 2014, 11:04:30 PM »
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  • Here is a translation of a letter from Bartolomé Blanco Márquez, written to his girlfriend from prison the day before he was executed during religious persecution in 1930s Spain. Márquez was beatified Oct. 28; the letter is published in the “Summarium Super Martyrio” of his beatification cause.

    Bartolomé Blanco Márquez was born in Cordoba in 1914. He was arrested as a Catholic leader -- he was the secretary of Catholic Action and a delegate to the Catholic Syndicates -- on Aug. 18, 1936. He was executed on Oct. 2, 1936, at age 21, while he cried out, “Long live Christ the King!”

    * * *

    Provincial prison of Jaen, Oct. 1, 1936

    My dearest Maruja:

    Your memory will remain with me to the grave and, as long as the slightest throb stirs my heart, it will beat for love of you. God has deemed fit to sublimate these worldly affections, ennobling them when we love each other in him. Though in my final days, God is my light and what I long for, this does not mean that the recollection of the one dearest to me will not accompany me until the hour of my death.

    I am assisted by many priests who -- what a sweet comfort -- pour out the treasures of grace into my soul, strengthening it. I look death in the eye and, believe my words, it does not daunt me or make me afraid.

    My sentence before the court of mankind will be my soundest defense before God's court; in their effort to revile me, they have ennobled me; in trying to sentence me, they have absolved me, and by attempting to lose me, they have saved me. Do you see what I mean? Why, of course! Because in killing me, they grant me true life and in condemning me for always upholding the highest ideals of religion, country and family, they swing open before me the doors of heaven.

    My body will be buried in a grave in this cemetery of Jaen; while I am left with only a few hours before that definitive repose, allow me to ask but one thing of you: that in memory of the love we shared, which at this moment is enhanced, that you would take on as your primary objective the salvation of your soul. In that way, we will procure our reuniting in heaven for all eternity, where nothing will separate us.

    Goodbye, until that moment, then, dearest Maruja! Do not forget that I am looking at you from heaven, and try to be a model Christian woman, since, in the end, worldly goods and delights are of no avail if we do not manage to save our souls.

    My thoughts of gratitude to all your family and, for you, all my love, sublimated in the hours of death. Do not forget me, my Maruja, and let my memory always remind you there is a better life, and that attaining it should constitute our highest aspiration.

    Be strong and make a new life; you are young and kind, and you will have God's help, which I will implore upon you from his kingdom. Goodbye, until eternity, then, when we shall continue to love each other for life everlasting.


    http://www.piercedhearts.org/theology_heart/teaching_saints/letter_girlfriend_memory_bartolome_marquez.htm



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    Courtship Questions
    « Reply #10 on: November 24, 2014, 01:33:42 PM »
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  • OP here.

    Thanks for all the sources and advice.  I read/listened to everything and found it very helpful.  It seems to me that even those things that I thought would be okay assuming it did not present an occasion of sin directly for either party, like conservative and modest hugging in greeting or goodbye, hand holding, and kisses even on the cheek in greeting or goodbye (though this is still unclear to me, though it is apparent that any sort of kissing on the lips should be limited to very modest ones after engagement, if that) are to be discouraged simply because they could become the first step toward further actions that could eventually lead to mortal sin.  

    Anything else that can be shared would be most appreciated.  I will also speak with a priest on this matter.  God bless you all.