Hello CathInfo-

I received this email from my unbaptized pagan half-brother, and wondered whether I’m allowed to congratulate him, as I have no info regarding his fiancées religious beliefs or membership (or lack thereof), and therefore have no idea whether their marriage will be valid.

“Hey, brothers! 

Hope all is well with you guys, it's been quite the minute since we've touched base. I just wanted to let you know that I'm finally taking the plunge and getting hitched. Her name is Sarah and we've been dating for a year and a half. That being said, we've known each other since we were 14 years old... funny how life works sometimes. The ceremony is going to be Sunday, and it'll be about 20 people total at a remote mountain locale with a cool waterfall and gristmill.

I cannot wait for y'all to meet Sarah, and we're planning a trip to TX later this year to hopefully accomplish just that. 

Miss you guys, and I hope we get to talk soon.

Your brother,

——-“

No idea what the Catholic rules are regarding that situation. 

Unbaptized, pagan...  natural marriage.
You can congratulate him.

Unbaptized, pagan...  natural marriage.
You can congratulate him.

Not if Sarah is a lax Catholic.

How do you know Sarah was born a girl?

C'mon, man, think positive!

I think it would be OK to congratulate him.  Or you could always couch it as a mental reservation.  I wish you all the best, or something like that.

If you don't have any positive information to suggest that their marriage would not be valid, I think it's OK to presume that it is unless you find out otherwise.  That's what the Church does, actually.

The question would be whether I have an obligation to investigate.

I think it would be OK to congratulate him.  Or you could always couch it as a mental reservation.  I wish you all the best, or something like that.

If you don't have any positive information to suggest that their marriage would not be valid, I think it's OK to presume that it is unless you find out otherwise.  That's what the Church does, actually.

That's what I do.  At the risk of sounding curmudgeonly, seeing as so few marriages anymore even approach God's plan for matrimony, the less I have to do with other people's marriages, the better.  Traditional Catholic marriages open to life at all times, those I congratulate.  But not the rest.

I have a very hard time with the idea of "congratulating" people who are going to use contraception, have divorce or impermanence in the back of their minds, and do heaven only knows what, as part of their marriage --- and that's only the valid marriages.  If I have no choice, I just say something noncommittal about wishing them the best always, or happiness always, or something like that.  Strictly speaking, that says absolutely nothing about their marriage.

If you are thinking of attending the service/reception, then you have an obligation to investigate.  If you’re not going, then no investigation is required.  Congratulate, send a present/card, whatever, and move on.