To tell you the truth, you seem totally preoccupied with self.

Well, yeah. That's unfortunately part of my condition. Once again, I'm not making excuses for it or demanding special treatment but, it's not something that's easily overcome. Some patience is necessary. I'm not asking for him "to be my therapist," I'm simply asking for him to hear my confession and give me spiritual guidance. I didn't feel as if I was receiving any and consequently went elsewhere. I don't know how you expect spiritual growth to occur if you're not even allowed to inquire about things that you're seeking answers to. You're acting as if I'm supposed to automatically be some sort of expert in moral theology, and know how to do everything perfectly right off the bat, implying that I'm being "ungrateful" which is a complete mischaracterization and is itself uncharitable. As I've explained, I'm relatively new to this and am trying to learn to the best of my ability. 

It takes a lot of time and effort to be able to overcome intense self-doubt. It's not something you can just "get over" overnight unless you're so blessed has to be healed through miraculous means. If you've never struggled with obsessive compulsive disorder or scrupulosity (which is a subset of OCD) it might seem inconsequential to you (as this disorder is often the butt of jokes and made to seem "funny") but, as anyone who has dealt with this can tell you, it is nothing short of psychological torture. As the other Anonymous poster who is dealing with a similar situation to that of mine has said, I have no doubt in the power of God to forgive all sins. What I doubt is myself and my ability to make good confessions. It doesn't help when you're in a state of perpetual uncertainty.

Two other people who attend the same chapel have told me that they struggle with similar issues also due to anxiety. One of which said that they've done the same thing--going elsewhere for confessions--because they feel intimidated and as if they're an annoyance to the priest in the confessional for simply trying to make a good confession to the best of their ability so clearly this isn't an isolated incident if others are reporting the same thing.

I have absolutely no malice towards my confessor. I'm just frustrated as I don't think he understands my situation and is making presumptions about it. What I do have is disappointment and confoundment. I've already said I intend on keeping his directives despite how stressful it may be. I'm just trying to learn and I don't think there's any reason to shame, patronize, or condescend to anyone for that, especially someone who is new to all of this.

I regret that I have expressed myself so harshly. This is how your posting complaints about your confessor appeared to me, but I should have said what I sincerely perceive with more kindness. I tend to be abrupt but not unsympathetic or judgmental.

Apart from that that, I do not ever use ridicule as you may think - “ it may seem inconsequential to you, butt of jokes etc.” - that is not my style, You acknowledge that being preoccupied with self is “unfortunately part of my condition”.

May I humbly suggest that this priest is specially chosen for you, because he seems to be hard on you?
God knows your needs. Be careful not to hang on to your condition. Be prepared to give it up. This may seem like a hard saying but God wants you healed.  

I had better not say any more but I promise I will pray for you in your struggle.

Thank you very much, friend. I appreciate it.
Given the current situation of the world, I'm just concerned that I'm going to die out of a state of grace and without the sacraments. I try my best but, I frequently fail and I feel like I will never be good enough to attain heaven and that that I'm beyond redemption. Of course, I don't believe this is on God's part, rather I feel as if that I'm insufficient enough to accommodate what God wants from me even though I know I shouldn't feel that way. I'm very concerned that they're going to start a new lockdown in September and consequently make it harder for us to receive the sacraments.
 
Additionally, this would possibly include labeling those of us who do not want to take the vaccine as being "threats to general health" and having us interned in isolation centers. They very may well decide to declare a state of emergency and suspend the Constitution. I greatly fear that I'm going to die in mortal sin because I'm a failure and that I haven't been able to make true peace with God, valid contrition, and to be able to amend my life. I'm constantly second-guessing myself and wondering if even the slightest thing I did was in mortal sin. I wish I had the confidence that most people you seem to have but, I am absolutely angry at myself that I cannot attain what the Saints have done. I feel as if many of the priests whom I've spoken with—though obviously not all—simply don't understand my concern about all of this and are simply just presumptuously writing me off as being paranoid or something. 

As I've said before, I'm sure a lot of people with a normalcy bias thought that this kind of stuff could never happen in Russia but, the Bolshevik Revolution occurred and the NKVD went around killing political dissidents. Sadly, I'm not able to speak with my confessor on a regular basis and I feel like I'm bothering him and being a nuisance based on his attitude. I'm certainly not trying to insult him or detract from his office but, I feel as if he's judging me harshly and doesn't quite understand where I'm coming from. Sadly, a lot of people—including other men—simply just dismiss men's psychological health problems and tell them that they're just "weak" and need to "man up," as if this is just some sort of simple thing that can be accomplished very quickly. Unfortunately, this kind of attitude leads a lot of men to commit ѕυιcιdє because they feel as if they have no one on their side. I would never do so, myself, but I can feel the empathy towards those who would. The statistics show that men overwhelmingly are treated with less compassion than women are. I'm the first to admit that I'm not perfect but, this isn't something that I can simply just change overnight. I'm simply terrified of not being able to die in a state of grace because we are probably a new worst situation mankind has ever had to deal with at the present time. I'm not actively trying to sin or anything but I often fall into temptation and I hate myself for it. I'm just looking for some spiritual guidance on things because I don't feel I have the competence to know what to do. 

The past few weeks have gone well in confession. I wrote a letter to my priest explaining my concerns about the world and what is driving my scrupulosity and he has been very kind and understanding. But, this past weekend I wasn't able to complete my confession. The priest was very patient about it though and didn't get angry or anything but, he said I was naming off too many things that weren't sins and that it had already been 10 minutes so he had to cut it short. Despite his assurances, I always feel like if I'm unable to confess everything, even with the priest being the one to cut it short, that it's still like omitting and that I'm committing a sacrilege and that if I died I would go to hell or at least spend a long time in purgatory, possibly was no one even praying for me depending on how things play out. Obviously, I want to be able to confess everything so I'm not in constant fear of possibly dying in the state of mortal sin, or even venial sin for that matter. 

When I asked the priest after Mass just to clarify if I wasn't omitting anything since I wasn't able to confess everything because he cut it short due to time constraints and if all of the sins that I haven't confessed for that reason have still been forgiven (I would assume in a similar way to when a priest would give a general absolution during emergency) he basically said yes but also added that he "would take it upon [himself]" or something like that. Since he was busy I didn't want to keep him any longer but I was very confused as to what he meant by this. 

Does that mean that somehow my sins gets transferred to him or if he made a mistake in not letting me confess that makes us both culpable for it (since I know priests are responsible for how they lead and direct their congregation)? If it's the latter, that doesn't seem very reassuring. I know Christ told his Apostles, and by proxy their successors, whoever's sins you shall forgive shall be forgiven but, I get paralyzed in fear of doing or believing in something incorrect or sinful as opposed to getting closer to Christ and attaining sanctification and I feel like it's taking a toll on my mental health, through my own faults and shortcomings.

Please pray for me. I need the courage to probe my conscious without ruining my mental state. I feel like I'm losing it.

Glad to hear that things are going better for you. It sounds like you have found a good Priest.
The Priest used his authority and took the responsibility on himself.  You did what you could by trying to make a good complete confession so, if you had died, any mortal sins that you did not get to confess would not be held against you.
I think it would help to spend what time you can give to reading and meditating specifically on the love of God. It will draw you closer to Christ and help to calm your mind and make it easier for you to distinguish between mortal sins, venial sins, and faults.
Is there a particular Saint who's writings you find helpful?

Thanks for the response. I think I understand it better now but, should I confess the sins that I wasn't able to confess last week today? Or have those already been absolved and is that unnecessary? My priest basically says to not confess any past sins and just focus on the ones from the previous week. There's a few things I need to confess from this week that are essentially the same things I wasn't able to confess last week. Should I confess those and also mention that these are also some of the things I needed to confess last week? Another issue is that I tend to be a bit long-winded in my confessions because I'm trying to be concise and provide specific context since that's what I have read is necessary in certain instances. I'd like to be as thorough in my confession as possible, as is necessary, but not take up too much time simultaneously. I'm not sure if I'm even capable of doing it that.

Also, I'm very worried about my ability to attend Mass in the future considering that I've been hearing Biden might try to ban interstate travel and the chapel I attend is in a different state so I'm very worried that I might not be able to receive the sacraments, especially considering that the CDC has docuмents about camps for the unvaccinated. The media is really trying to paint the so-called "Delta variant" as the fault of the unvaccinated when it's clearly only affecting those who have taken the vaccine. I have a family member who works for the public school system and they might try to force him to get the vaccine and I think he's trying to rationalize getting it despite being given lots of evidence that it's dangerous. I've been telling him to hold the line and not submit to getting it and seek a religious exemption but, I just read an article saying that 99% of religious exemptions will fail because Francis accepts the vaccine so, evidently, if you try to opt out on the basis that you're a Catholic they'll tell you that doesn't matter because the Pope supports it. I'm wondering if I could ask the priest if he could provide some kind of written form of religious exemption for my family member who needs it for work and for me and other family members considering that places are already talking about banning people from supermarkets or if that will even matter. I was considering asking the priest, since for all I know I might not be able to see him again, if I could just confess a few past sins that have really been weighing on my mind that I had previously forgotten the confess. I know he tells me not to focus on past sins but, this is really upsetting me that I might be technically omitting things, although not intentionally. I know he says to trust him on this but I can't even trust my own judgment at this point.

Also please pray for me that I'm able to make a good confession today despite my anxiety and that I will be able to avoid the near occasion of sin in the future. I'll be honest, I've been a full-blown alcoholic for years and I've only been attending SSPX Chapel for close to a year now. I tried to quit drinking, in fact I gave up alcohol completely for Lent, but I find it very difficult to give up drinking completely despite it causing me health risks. Since I found out about the whole agenda behind the vaccines and all the things going on in the world today making it look like we're going to be going through the last days and it coming persecution, it has really caused me to tremendously despair, give up hope and pushed me deeper and deeper into alcoholism in order to quell my anxiety and self-medicate. I know that isn't the right solution but, it's basically the only thing that I have found that provides me any sort of solace. Unfortunately, I really don't have much of a will to live any longer (though I'm definitely *not* suicidal or deliberately trying to harm myself) and seeking any sort of rehabilitation or mental health treatment isn't really much of an option considering that they're likely going to be pushing the vax on people. I've had one doctor who I no longer trust urge me to get the vaccine. I have a feeling that by my next appointment that this doctor might "red-flag" me and falsely say that I'm "a danger to myself or others" simply because I won't get the vaccine so I'm going to try to sever ties with this doctor before that occurs. Unfortunately, I don't know where else to turn medically since I think most of these doctors are going to be doing the same thing unless I can actually find a doctor who doesn't care about whether or not I have the vaccine. I wish I could quit drinking cold turkey but I don't think that's physically possible at this point. I try to drink responsibly but I usually end up drinking too much. I'm really going to try to do better after I go to confession today but I'm living in such existential dread I don't know what to do. It's not that I don't trust in God it's that I'm just fearful for the future and this not knowing is eating me up inside and, to top it off, I don't even know if I can trust my own judgment anymore as to whether or not I'm committing sins. I'm just so overwhelmed with everything I don't know what to do.

I'll pray for you if you pray for me!  I feel the same way.
May Our Lady of Victories help you to gently probe your conscience together and give you true contrition.
May you be reconciled to Our Lord through an act of perfect contrition and the Sacrament of Penance.
May you have to grace of performing whatever penance is just.
May you grow in true love and gratitude for Our Lord and His gift of sacrifice and mercy.
and then,
May Jesus give you His Peace and the grace of final perseverance!

Thank you so much, I will be praying for you too!

I'm really going to try to do better after I go to confession today but I'm living in such existential dread I don't know what to do. It's not that I don't trust in God it's that I'm just fearful for the future and this not knowing is eating me up inside and, to top it off, I don't even know if I can trust my own judgment anymore as to whether or not I'm committing sins. I'm just so overwhelmed with everything I don't know what to do.

Can I ask you a few rhetorical questions?
1. How much time do you spend praying every day? How many minutes of vocal prayer? Which prayers? How many decades of the Rosary daily? How many minutes of mental prayer?
2. How much time do you spend reading the Bible, Catechism or books written by Catholic saints each day?
3. Do you attend daily mass? If so, how many days on average? Do you receive communion when you attend?
4. Have you done the Monfortian Marian Consecration? Are you enrolled in the Brown Scapular? 
No need to answer me. I ask these things because, after dealing with a lot of anxiety myself, I gained much comfort from implementing and increasing gradually those things listed. If you are not doing all of those things yet, don't worry, just try to add a little more week after week. Schedule the time to do it. Force yourself like you force yourself go get up in the morning and go to work.
Our Lady and Our Lord love you and you need to know that even if you fall from time to time (especially out of bad habits), if you are of good will, meaning you truly want to follow the Lord's commandments, even imperfect contrition is enough for absolution of mortal sins when using the Sacrament of Confession. Focus on eliminating mortal sins first. And realize that, if you are contrite, venial sins are absolved by something as simple as assisting at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Take care and don't despair.