Author Topic: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman? (Read 2134 times)

Änσnymσus · « **on:** August 15, 2019, 01:59:33 AM »

What is the church teaching on who is supposed to move. Does the man move to where his future wife lives or does the woman move to where the future husband lives. I have always been taught that the man leaves his family and cleaves to his wife. I have received conflicting info from priests. I have been going to the TLM since the early 70's and people are now telling me things are different. I understand things are different that is why the world is crazy. What did the Church teach prior to Vatican II?

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #1 on:** August 15, 2019, 02:23:12 AM »

I don’t think there is any official Church teaching. Preferably, the newlyweds move into their own home nearby both sets of parents, but this rarely happens these days because of the extreme mobility of modern times.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #2 on:** August 15, 2019, 04:30:48 AM »

If they are from different states I was always taught by the priest and advised by the elders of my church that the man was to move to where his future wife lives. Not sure about Church teaching just know what I was taught.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #3 on:** August 15, 2019, 05:53:52 AM »

Quote from: Anonymous on August 15, 2019, 04:30:48 AM

If they are from different states I was always taught by the priest and advised by the elders of my church that the man was to move to where his future wife lives. Not sure about Church teaching just know what I was taught.

This seems like it makes more sense then the other way around because being a new mom, it's only natural that she would want to depend more on her mom than his mom to help with the children when they start coming. So the new couple moving closer to her parents seems like it'd make the most sense.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #4 on:** August 15, 2019, 06:02:41 AM »

Let's think about this for a minute.

A responsible man considering matrimony would no doubt have a good job in order to provide for his family. He may even have a home purchased that he's currently living in. If the two are living some distance apart, would it not be a more prudent decision for the woman to move? What would be rational about a man leaving his established job in order to start over elsewhere?

And I do believe that +BW has said (somewhere, not sure of the exact source) that woman, by nature, is more flexible than man. This would then make it easier for her to adapt to a new living situation than the man.

That being said, I have been in this situation myself. My husband and I lived at opposite ends of the country (2,000 miles). He had an established business and his own place. I never even considered asking him to move to satisfy my wishes to be close to my family! Yes, it was (and is) very difficult to be so far away, but how much harder it would have been for him to relocate.

I don't know what the Church teaching is on this, but in regards to the OP's point that the man leaves his family and cleaves to his wife, could it be that it's referring to the fact that he needs to provide and care for her -- and their family--first? At least that's how I always was taught.

jvk · « **Reply #5 on:** August 15, 2019, 06:03:37 AM »

The above post was from me.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #6 on:** August 15, 2019, 06:59:00 AM »

I have a thought. I do not know if there is a Church teaching on this. I may be wrong, but I believe that this is an area where we should follow the secular tradition. So if in your culture, the man should move in with the woman, that is fine, or if it is the other way around that is fine. But it is not a matter of faith. Kind of like how some cultures have dowries, others have match-makers and others have the Father choose the husband for her daughter. So I would listen to one's culture and most especially one's parents.

2Vermont · « **Reply #7 on:** August 15, 2019, 07:04:16 AM »

Quote from: Anonymous on August 15, 2019, 01:59:33 AM

What is the church teaching on who is supposed to move. Does the man move to where his future wife lives or does the woman move to where the future husband lives. I have always been taught that the man leaves his family and cleaves to his wife. I have received conflicting info from priests. I have been going to the TLM since the early 70's and people are now telling me things are different. I understand things are different that is why the world is crazy. What did the Church teach prior to Vatican II?

I also don't know the Church teaching, if there is one; however I tend to agree with jvk above. I moved to where my husband lived. I would think that this would fall under the whole teaching regarding the man being the head of the family.

Having said all of that, I think we also must consider something that those before Vatican II did not have to consider: access to the Sacraments.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #8 on:** August 15, 2019, 10:12:51 AM »

It's entirely cultural. These days most couples end up far away from both sets of parents, back in ye olde days couples were usually from the same town(or at least nearby towns) so they ended up close to both. It's entirely up to you and your husband. You have to consider if he has an established job, will he easily be able to get a new one that pays well if you move. Also you have to consider housing, both in terms of price and in terms of location(access to Sacraments, good neighbourhood, proximity to amenities, etc.). Then of course, the health of your respective parents. If any of them are in need of minding then you'll probably want to live fairly close, but they could also move themselves if necessary(my grandfather for example moved in with us a few years after his wife died, he was still of good health but just in case. He actually made my parents' jobs a lot easier by helping with minding/collecting us, groceries, etc.).

SimpleMan · « **Reply #9 on:** August 15, 2019, 10:13:24 AM »

There is no "Church teaching" on this, or if there is, it would come as news to me. My common sense, such as it is, tells me that the couple needs to live near to where the husband's job is. It is true that most women work nowadays, but traditional Catholic teaching (or at least practice) is that the husband supports the family, but the wife does not.

Ladislaus · « **Reply #10 on:** August 15, 2019, 11:12:58 AM »

It's all a question of prudence. All things being the same, it would generally be better if the wife could stay near her mother (for help and advice about raising children, etc.). But, as one poster said, if it would mean that the husband would have to completely uproot and leave behind a job or various financial assets, then it would not make sense. If it's just a question of whether one would move from one suburb in a metropolitan area to another, well, sometimes it's not great to be TOO close to one's mother / mother-in-law where the help/advice becomes meddling and interference ... especially if said mother-in-law is not a good Catholic and could interfere in a bad way with the raising of the children.

SO ... it's all a matter of prudence, as most things are.

At the end of the day, however, it's a question of what the husband SHOULD do vs. what he must do. He becomes the head of the wife, and she is subject to him and must obey his decisions when it comes to such matters.

Ladislaus · « **Reply #11 on:** August 15, 2019, 11:18:17 AM »

Quote from: 2Vermont on August 15, 2019, 07:04:16 AM

Having said all of that, I think we also must consider something that those before Vatican II did not have to consider: access to the Sacraments.

MANY things must be considered ... as a matter or prudence.

1) will the mother-in-law be a good or bad influence on the children
2) will the mother-in-law drive a wedge between the wife's resolve to obey and respect her husband
3) would the mother-in-law even be helpful (some are, some are not); some might micromanage and suffocate their daughters (I know a few of these) to the point that they never grow into being strong mothers on their own independent of their own mother
4) access to the Sacraments, True Mass, a good Traditional Catholic school
5) proximity to husband's place of work (would a long commute make it difficult for him to spend time with the children)

etc. etc. etc.

There's no one answer that fits all situations.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #12 on:** August 15, 2019, 01:26:56 PM »

Quote

All things being the same, it would generally be better if the wife could stay near her mother (for help and advice about raising children, etc.). But, as one poster said, if it would mean that the husband would have to completely uproot and leave behind a job or various financial assets, then it would not make sense.

Agree. I've known of many young couples who dated long distance and the woman moved due to the man's job. Eventually, after a few years (maybe even 10 years) they moved back to be closer to the woman's relatives. This gives the guy a chance to reasonably transition and look for a new job. And typically, a woman can handle 1-3 children on her own (though it's not ideal) before she needs her mother and/or sisters to help out and for social purposes (as is natural). In some cases, the guy didn't have a specialized job so he moved to be with his wife's family. But in our day and age, nothing in the modern world is ideal.

2Vermont · « **Reply #13 on:** August 15, 2019, 03:06:00 PM »

Quote from: Ladislaus on August 15, 2019, 11:18:17 AM

MANY things must be considered ... as a matter or prudence.

1) will the mother-in-law be a good or bad influence on the children
2) will the mother-in-law drive a wedge between the wife's resolve to obey and respect her husband
3) would the mother-in-law even be helpful (some are, some are not); some might micromanage and suffocate their daughters (I know a few of these) to the point that they never grow into being strong mothers on their own independent of their own mother
4) access to the Sacraments, True Mass, a good Traditional Catholic school
5) proximity to husband's place of work (would a long commute make it difficult for him to spend time with the children)

etc. etc. etc.

There's no one answer that fits all situations.

I don't disagree with the fact that there are many considerations; however, my focus was what is different now than before V2 and the main difference would be potential lack of true and certain sacraments.

Geremia · « **Reply #14 on:** August 15, 2019, 04:26:17 PM »

Quote from: Anonymous on August 15, 2019, 01:59:33 AM

Does the man move to where his future wife lives or does the woman move to where the future husband lives.

Go wherever you can best provide for your family and have access to valid sacraments.

Author Topic: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman? (Read 2134 times)

Änσnymσus

Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?

Änσnymσus

Re: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?

Änσnymσus

Re: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?

Änσnymσus

Re: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?

Änσnymσus

Re: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?

jvk

Re: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?

Änσnymσus

Re: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?

2Vermont

Re: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?

Änσnymσus

Re: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?

SimpleMan

Re: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?

Ladislaus

Re: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?

Ladislaus

Re: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?

Änσnymσus

Re: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?

2Vermont

Re: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?

Geremia

Re: Church teaching on marriage. Who moves the man or woman?