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Leaves from St. John Chrysostom, published by the Catholic Truth Society, 1889

MARRIAGES AS THEY WERE AND AS THEY ARE.
(Homilies on St. Matthew, Ixxiii., vol. ii., p. 355.)
Have you not heard that men and women were assembled together in the upper room, and that that gathering was worthy of heaven? And with reason. The women of those days put in practice a high ascetic life, and men were grave and wise. Listen at least to the seller of purple saying: If you have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come unto my house and abide there. Listen to the women who followed the Apostles about from place to place with the spirit of true men— a Priscilla, and a Persis, and the others — from whom the women of today are as far removed as the men are from the men. For then even when going about they gave no scandal, but now, delicately nurtured in their houses, they hardly avoid this suspicion. These scandals arise from people decking themselves out and from luxury. Those women of old made it their business to spread abroad the Gospel tidings: now women's anxiety is to have fine figures and comely faces.

They care no more for their good name than for their salvation; and as to high and great deeds of goodness, they do not even dream of them. What woman shows eagerness to make her husband better? What man is anxious to bring his wife to amendment? Not one; but the wife's whole anxiety is about jewels and clothes, and the other adornments of the body, and how she may increase her substance; and the husband's is the same, except that he has many more cares, and they are all worldly cares. Who that is about to marry would inquire into the girl's manners and education? No one; but he would be particular enough about money and land, and the accurate estimate of her fortune, as if he were going to buy something, or to carry out some low contract. This is why they speak of marriage as a contract.

For I have heard many say, 'Such a man has made a contract with such a girl; that is, he has married '. They trample upon the very gifts of God, and marry and are married, as if they were buyers and sellers. Indeed, deeds require more accuracy than the business of buying and selling. Consider how men married of old, and emulate their example. Now, how did they marry? They enquired about the ways and habits of their bride, and about her goodness of heart. Therefore they had no need of contracts, nor of pen-and-ink settlements; the bride's character was everything to them. So I admonish you, too, not to look for money and wealth, but for disposition and goodness.

Seek out a virtuous and earnest girl, and she will be of more worth to you than thousands of pounds. If you look for the things of God, the other things will come of themselves; but if you pass over the former and insist on the latter, you will not gain even these. But you will say, 'Such a man became rich through his wife’. Are you not ashamed to bring forward such instances? I have heard many say, 'I would rather be poor a thousand times over than grow wealthy through my wife '. For what is more unacceptable than that wealth? What is more pungent than that abundance? What is more humiliating than to be the man thus noted and pointed at by everyone as the 'man who became rich through his wife '. I would set forth the domestic vexations which would of necessity befal this man from his act, viz., his wife's temper, his state of slavery, their contentions, the scoffs of servants who call him 'a poor beggar, a nobody sprung from nowhere, for what had he to offer? Did not everything belong to the lady?’

But these words make no impression on you, for you have not an independent spirit. Since toad-eaters, too, have to hear what is still more outrageous, and do not care, so neither are these men troubled, but they glory in their shamelessness, and when we talk to them about it, one of them answers, 'Let me alone, it is very pleasant; and it can put an end to me for all I care '. Oh ! the malice of the devil for making certain sayings commonplaces in life, which are capable of poisoning the whole existence of such men.

See, at least, what deadly havoc this one diabolical phrase works; for it says in so many words, 'Have no care for sobriety or for justice: let everything of the kind be thrown aside, and look only for one thing — pleasure '. Even if this pursuit oppress you, choose it; even if all who meet you spit upon you, and throw mud in your eyes, and drive you about like a dog, bear it. What else could swine say if they had a voice? or unclean dogs?

Indeed, often they would not give voice to those things which the devil has induced men to rave about. Therefore I strongly advise those who know the heartlessness of these words to fly from such proverbial sayings, and to confute them by the contrary ones of Holy Scripture. Which are they? Go not after thy lusts, and turn away from thy own will.

And, again, concerning the harlot, its words are opposed to that other phrase: Mind not the deceit of a woman. For the lips of a harlot are like a honey comb dropping, and her throat is smoother than oil. But her end is bitter as wormwood, and sharp as a two-edged sword. Let us listen to these, and not to those words. For on the latter base-minded and servile men ground their sophistry; hence, in this, men become unreasoning things, in that they elect to seek pleasure everywhere according to the world's standard, which is despicable even apart from our showing. For after the surfeiting, what is the gain of a sweet taste? Cease, then, from this mirth, and from committing yourselves to hell and the unquenchable fire, and let us look forward as we ought to the things to come, putting off the scales from our eyes, so that we may reach that future life in due time in great piety and contentment, and may gain its good things through the love and kindness of Our Lord Jesus Christ, to Whom be power for ever and ever. Amen.

He probably wants her online so he can have his peace.