Author Topic: Cheating spouse (Read 5406 times)

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #15 on:** March 21, 2016, 07:40:34 PM »

You might end up living a celibate life for the rest of your life, but what is that compared to eternity? I hope that things do work out between you and your husband, though.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #16 on:** March 24, 2016, 09:56:43 PM »

Quote from: Guest

What should a trad wife do if she finds. Out that her husband cheated her by having an affair with his office secretary?

Change the locks on your doors, put his clothes in boxes outside the garage door, and leave a note on the door telling the bum that he's out!

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #17 on:** March 29, 2016, 04:13:28 PM »

The wife should forgive the husband unconditionally and she should act as if she knows nothing about the affair.

Matthew · « **Reply #18 on:** March 29, 2016, 04:28:04 PM »

She should confront him about it, but forgiving him is up to her.

Keep in mind, though, that although adultery is cause for separation/withholding the marriage debt indefinitely, she will never be free to remarry as long as her husband is alive. So think long and hard about it.

The wife (or husband, if roles are reversed) always has the option of "forgiving" or "not forgiving" adultery. If she opts for non-forgiveness, she can withhold the marriage debt indefinitely. I believe you'd have to physically separate in this case, as otherwise it would be a source of temptation for the husband. But once she forgives him, she can't change her mind later and "un-forgive him" for that same offense.

This is Catholic doctrine, by the way.

"Till death do us part."

A bad marriage or failed marriage is not a non-marriage.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #19 on:** March 29, 2016, 04:50:56 PM »

Matthew is correct. It's a one-time opportunity to separate on grounds of adultery because if you choose to stay with him and he continues with same or different women you can no longer have a choice. You'll have to live with him as he is. I don't think a cheater has any incentive to repent when he's getting serviced by multiple women.

On the other hand if you separate you better be very very certain he won't do it again prior to a reconciliation. Better to wait many years until he is old and infirm. Once a cheater always a cheater. They don't care one iota for the sanctity and permanency of marriage.

That's why I kicked mine to the curb as soon as I realized it was now or never. Guess what? He didn't repent so I made the right choice.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #20 on:** March 29, 2016, 05:50:48 PM »

"More souls go to Hell because of sins of the flesh than any other cause."
-Our Lady of Fatima

"An eternity of pain, suffering, angst, and despair in exchange for a few seconds of base, animal pleasure."
- Various saints, speaking about sins against the 6th and 9th

Tiffany · « **Reply #21 on:** March 29, 2016, 06:51:41 PM »

Quote from: Guest

Matthew is correct. It's a one-time opportunity to separate on grounds of adultery because if you choose to stay with him and he continues with same or different women you can no longer have a choice. You'll have to live with him as he is. I don't think a cheater has any incentive to repent when he's getting serviced by multiple women.

If he does repent and promises not to cheat again, and she forgives him, that doesn't mean she has to accept further cheating and stay with him.

Let's say he cheats in March of 2016. He is sorry and promises to be faithful and they have a normal married life. If he stays faithful she cannot decide to abstain in October because he cheated back in March.

If he cheats again in October 2016 it's within her rights to abstain again permanently.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #22 on:** March 29, 2016, 07:05:52 PM »

Quote from: Tiffany

Quote from: Guest
Matthew is correct. It's a one-time opportunity to separate on grounds of adultery because if you choose to stay with him and he continues with same or different women you can no longer have a choice. You'll have to live with him as he is. I don't think a cheater has any incentive to repent when he's getting serviced by multiple women.

If he does repent and promises not to cheat again, and she forgives him, that doesn't mean she has to accept further cheating and stay with him.

Let's say he cheats in March of 2016. He is sorry and promises to be faithful and they have a normal married life. If he stays faithful she cannot decide to abstain in October because he cheated back in March.

If he cheats again in October 2016 it's within her rights to abstain again permanently.

This doesn't sound like a church teaching. Can you post a source for this?

Tiffany · « **Reply #23 on:** March 29, 2016, 07:20:08 PM »

It's a new offense after the initial forgiveness.

Matthew · « **Reply #24 on:** March 29, 2016, 09:19:39 PM »

Quote from: Tiffany

Quote from: Guest
Matthew is correct. It's a one-time opportunity to separate on grounds of adultery because if you choose to stay with him and he continues with same or different women you can no longer have a choice. You'll have to live with him as he is. I don't think a cheater has any incentive to repent when he's getting serviced by multiple women.

If he does repent and promises not to cheat again, and she forgives him, that doesn't mean she has to accept further cheating and stay with him.

Let's say he cheats in March of 2016. He is sorry and promises to be faithful and they have a normal married life. If he stays faithful she cannot decide to abstain in October because he cheated back in March.

If he cheats again in October 2016 it's within her rights to abstain again permanently.

This is correct. It's simple common sense.

A) You can't un-forgive someone.
B) If there is another offense, you're back to square one! Forgive or not forgive.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #25 on:** March 29, 2016, 09:30:32 PM »

Quote from: Tiffany

It's a new offense after the initial forgiveness.

No, I'm sorry Tiffany but the 1917 Code of Canon Law disagrees with you:

Quote

Canon 1129:
Because of the adultery of a spouse, the other spouse, the bond remaining, has the right of dissolving, even in perpetuity, the communion of life, unless he consented to the crime, or gave cause for it, ot otherwise expressly or tacitly condoned it, or indeed himself committed the same crime.

Tacit condonation is considered [to have occured] if the innocent spouse, after being made certain of the crime of adultery, freely engaged in marital affection with the other spouse; but it is presumed unless, within six month, he expels or abandons the adulterous spouse, or makes a legitimate accusation against the other.

The injured spouse has SIX MONTHS to separate from the adulterer otherwise she loses the right to ever separate in the future for adultery. Period. This law also says that her tacit condonation is assumed if she continues to live with him even if she doesn't have relations during that time.

This is not a "common sense" situation. The church law is clear.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #26 on:** March 29, 2016, 09:44:58 PM »

Your quote agrees with Tiffany. If six months elapse and you IGNORE the situation, you lose your right to separate, but confronting the adulterer is an option alongside expulsion as stated in the last phrase.

This excerpt does not address whether or not a repeat offense would be handled differently.

Desmond · « **Reply #27 on:** March 30, 2016, 01:22:06 AM »

Can someone please shed some light on this:

Matthew 9:

Quote

6Therefore now they are not two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. 7They say to him: Why then did Moses command to give a bill of divorce, and to put away? 8He saith to them: Because Moses by reason of the hardness of your heart permitted you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9And I say to you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and he that shall marry her that is put away, committeth adultery.

MaterDominici · « **Reply #28 on:** March 30, 2016, 01:37:29 AM »

Quote from: Desmond

Can someone please shed some light on this:

Matthew 19:

Quote
6Therefore now they are not two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. 7They say to him: Why then did Moses command to give a bill of divorce, and to put away? 8He saith to them: Because Moses by reason of the hardness of your heart permitted you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9And I say to you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and he that shall marry her that is put away, committeth adultery.

from Challoner:

[9] Except it be: In the case of fornication, that is, of adultery, the wife may be put away: but even then the husband cannot marry another as long as the wife is living.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #29 on:** March 30, 2016, 07:12:49 AM »

Quote from: Guest

Your quote agrees with Tiffany. If six months elapse and you IGNORE the situation, you lose your right to separate, but confronting the adulterer is an option alongside expulsion as stated in the last phrase.

This excerpt does not address whether or not a repeat offense would be handled differently.

Then I am happy to be wrong because it covers my situation all the more. I had a repeat offender and after being told to forgive over and over by an irresponsible priest I finally had enough and cut him loose.

I apologize Tiffany. I should not have assumed that you didn't understand the canon. And it was me who didn't. There's that whole log/splinter thing!

Author Topic: Cheating spouse (Read 5406 times)

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