Author Topic: Cheating spouse  (Read 4695 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Änσnymσus

  • Guest
Cheating spouse
« on: March 19, 2016, 09:00:32 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • What should a trad wife do if she finds. Out that her husband cheated her by having an affair with his office secretary?

    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #1 on: March 19, 2016, 09:34:48 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Divorce him. Recognize that humans will fail, he has absolutely no respect for you and move on.


    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #2 on: March 19, 2016, 11:06:25 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Quote from: Guest
    Divorce him. Recognize that humans will fail, he has absolutely no respect for you and move on.

    I think this is the worst advice I have ever seen anyone give on this forum. Divorce should be a last resort for Catholics, and should even be illegal. Do everything possible to save the marriage because even if you get a civil divorce you will always be married till death do you part in the eyes of God.

    Offline Cantarella

    • Hero Member
    • *****
    • Posts: 7782
    • Reputation: +4572/-576
    • Gender: Female
    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #3 on: March 19, 2016, 11:42:58 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Quote from: Guest
    Divorce him. Recognize that humans will fail, he has absolutely no respect for you and move on.


    Do not be ridiculous.
    If anyone says that true and natural water is not necessary for baptism and thus twists into some metaphor the words of our Lord Jesus Christ" Unless a man be born again of water and the Holy Spirit" (Jn 3:5) let him be anathema.

    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #4 on: March 20, 2016, 05:54:55 AM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Quote from: Guest
    Quote from: Guest
    Divorce him. Recognize that humans will fail, he has absolutely no respect for you and move on.

    I think this is the worst advice I have ever seen anyone give on this forum. Divorce should be a last resort for Catholics, and should even be illegal. Do everything possible to save the marriage because even if you get a civil divorce you will always be married till death do you part in the eyes of God.


    Have fun saying that when the husband impregnates that secretary. It is for reasons like this that she must divorce. Other reasons no, but this is a must.


    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #5 on: March 20, 2016, 08:57:01 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • I divorced my cheating spouse to protect myself from legal and financial exploitation at the hands of a wicked American jurisprudence system.  And this individual is currently carrying on a very public affair and could care less about me and our marriage.  Yep he's a so called "trad Catholic".  This was the remedy of last resort after years and years of counseling, broken promises, health crises, legal problems, you name it.  He just wants what he wants and wedding vows are not going to stop him.  I imagine he will stop when he gets AIDS or a jealous person kills him.   :facepalm:  Those who disagree with this might think differently after having your assets stolen by a court to pay child support arrearages for a bastard child born of infidelity.

    I don't regret it one bit.

    EDIT:  In my case my spouse cheated the entire marriage not just a one-off fling.  


    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #6 on: March 20, 2016, 09:34:00 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Go to your priest.  And acknowledge to your husband that you know.  If he has a conscience it will scare him.  If he has a conscience, he will want out, and you tell him to see the priest, NOW.  If he goes on, in mortal sin, the next thing will be the devil encouraging him to commit ѕυιcιdє.

    Ask God for His Son's Precious Blood!  Plead with all the cohort of the heavens and those in purgatory to help in prayers and intercession.

    How old is your husband?  Are there children?  His age?  If he is age 40 or more, his hormones may be like those of women at that age.  they need b complex shots. Some may feel the "empty nest" syndrome.  But act quick! Let your husband know what you know and see how he reacts.  Prayers-Songbird.

    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #7 on: March 20, 2016, 11:46:15 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Quote from: Guest
    Go to your priest.  And acknowledge to your husband that you know.  If he has a conscience it will scare him.  If he has a conscience, he will want out, and you tell him to see the priest, NOW.  If he goes on, in mortal sin, the next thing will be the devil encouraging him to commit ѕυιcιdє.


    People who cheat do not commit ѕυιcιdє. That is the absolute last thing they would do. They have no remorse, so usually they'd cheat more.


    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #8 on: March 21, 2016, 06:40:26 AM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Any man that neglects his family and cheats on his wife isn't a Traditional Catholic.  
    He is a low life.  


    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #9 on: March 21, 2016, 06:47:08 AM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Quote from: Guest
    Go to your priest.  And acknowledge to your husband that you know.  If he has a conscience it will scare him.  If he has a conscience, he will want out, and you tell him to see the priest, NOW.  If he goes on, in mortal sin, the next thing will be the devil encouraging him to commit ѕυιcιdє.

    Ask God for His Son's Precious Blood!  Plead with all the cohort of the heavens and those in purgatory to help in prayers and intercession.

    How old is your husband?  Are there children?  His age?  If he is age 40 or more, his hormones may be like those of women at that age.  they need b complex shots. Some may feel the "empty nest" syndrome.  But act quick! Let your husband know what you know and see how he reacts.  Prayers-Songbird.


    Wait and take emergency money to protect children.  

    Then  wife should fix herself up and go to the office with a nice lunch for her husband and tell the tramp secretary to leave her husband  alone.

    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #10 on: March 21, 2016, 03:11:03 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • I think that the first thing that you should do is talk it over with your husband.  If he does not plan to make amends, then talk to a good priest.  He will give you the advice that you need to hear...

    It is a tough battle, but the persevering wife, often can save the soul of her husband by sticking with him through everything if possible...


    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #11 on: March 21, 2016, 04:34:36 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • I'm remaining αnσnymσus in this post because of what I am about to say.

    I'm married to a pathological liar.  Do those of you here who are advocating this couple stay together realize how essential trust is to a marriage?  Once it's gone, you don't get it back.

    My advice to the person who started the thread would be to separate.   If he wants a divorce to marry his sweetie, give it to him.

    Online Miseremini

    • Sr. Member
    • ****
    • Posts: 2295
    • Reputation: +1453/-179
    • Gender: Female
    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #12 on: March 21, 2016, 04:52:43 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Quote from: Guest
    What should a trad wife do if she finds. Out that her husband cheated her by having an affair with his office secretary?


    You say cheated...does that mean the affair is over?  
    Does your husband know you know about it?
    Did he tell you?
    How did you find out?
    How long have you known?
    Is this the first time?
    How long have you been married?
    Are children involved?
    Do you have income of your own?
    Not enough info for anyone to comment on.
    This has to be looked at calmly so mistakes are not made in the heat of the moment.
    Pain wants immediate relief but amputation is permanent.
    "Let God arise, and let His enemies be scattered: and them that hate Him flee from before His Holy Face"  Psalm 67:2[/b]


    Online Miseremini

    • Sr. Member
    • ****
    • Posts: 2295
    • Reputation: +1453/-179
    • Gender: Female
    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #13 on: March 21, 2016, 05:01:42 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!0
  • Regardless of what you do GET TESTED for STD's.
    If you reconcile make sure HE tests negative before resuming relations.
    "Let God arise, and let His enemies be scattered: and them that hate Him flee from before His Holy Face"  Psalm 67:2[/b]


    Änσnymσus

    • Guest
    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #14 on: March 21, 2016, 07:16:00 PM »
  • Thanks!0
  • No Thanks!1
  • A) Don’t confront him. He will just take his affair underground. He’s demonstrated how deceptive he is.  Speak to a good priest first (preferably an older one who has a good grasp on the realities of married life).  But having an “honest conversation” about his extracurriculars, “Hey honey, tell me how your needs aren’t being met…” — is setting yourself up for MORE manipulation.  Manipulation has been his strategy all along.  Why would he change tactics now when so much is at stake?  His goal has been  cake — his affair and his chump.  He will cycle through the three channels — rage, self-pity, and charm — to keep you in your place.  Or worse he will play the mistress against you, a diabolic maneuver called “triangulation”.

    B) Know your deal-breakers and grieve later. Don’t get caught up in who you thought he was, or who he could be — deal with WHO HE IS — a man who is brazenly cheating on you, and risking your health.  It’s normal that you’ll still feel some love for him and raw emotion that your family life, as you thought it was, has died.  Don’t let those feelings paralyze you or get in the way of you protecting yourself.   It’s time to be a field marshall. You can fall apart later, in safety.

    C) Get your finances in order. While you’re lining things up, make copies of all your financial documents.   Run a credit report.   Figure out your debts and your income.  Do some sleuthing if you suspect he’s been siphoning off funds for his double life.  Sadly, financial abuse often goes hand in hand with infidelity.  These are monies you can ask for back in a divorce.  Don’t think a divorce court won’t assign debt to you just because you might be a stay at home mom.  Do you want to be forced to work to pay off his credit card debts for gifts he bought for his guppy?

    D) Get a support network. You are dealing with a monumental shock and you need all kinds of support now.   First things first—make a good general confession to your traditional priest.  Make an appointment with a family attorney to get informed about the laws in your community just in case your husband files for divorce after D-Day (Disclosure Day).  You may find that family and friends will not support you so that might not be the best place to go.  A Catholic counselor (not a marriage counselor), might be someone who you can dump negative emotions during the crises.  Do NOT, however, lean on your husband.  You must fight an overwhelming urge to seek comfort from the person who hurt you — resist those feelings.  They make you vulnerable to more manipulation, the consequences of which could be very costly.

    E) Get STD testing.  Cheaters live in a magical reality.

    F) Be the Sane Parent.  When the going gets tough, focus on being strong for your kid(s) right now.  Model self respect and resiliency to them.  Don’t model codependent chumpdom.  Their dad is checked out of family life — you can’t afford to be.  They need you to have your wits about you.  You should maintain yourself and not try to dress or act like the mistress.  And please don’t have a revenge affair or pretend to have one.  Don't turn to alcohol to help you sleep.  Try 500 mg of magnesium at night.  Exercise can help relieve stress as well as relaxing music.  

    G) Be open to reconciliation later.  Right now you have a moral obligation to remove yourself and your children from the situation because of the immorality and potential for abuse.  That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be open to the possibility of reconciliation.  You have a better chance of him repenting if he loses you and the children temporarily then if he can have you plus the mistress.  But don’t rush it.  It could take many months or years for him to get over himself and his selfishness.  Catastrophic loss is the best way for him to learn his lesson.

    H)  Be real. Please don’t jump to wild rationalizations like “demonic possession”, “nєω ωσrℓ∂ σr∂єr syndrome” or “crisis of faith” to explain his behavior.  And please do not let him convince you that those pesky extra 10 lbs you never lost after childbearing made him do it.  That will only make you feel guilty and allow him to continue to manipulate you.   And if he has low hormones (doubtful) or depression then he needs to see a doctor not take on a girlfriend.  Again, you don’t need to be co-habitating for him to get his physical and mental health in order.  You can seek his good and pray for him in a different home as well as in the same home.

    Good luck.  I’ll pray for you.


     

    Sitemap 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16