I'm here to request some prayers and words of advice for my poor tormented soul and for the souls of my mother, father, brother, ex- girlfriend and the 5 month old un-born baby girl that I recklessly brought into the world with my ex.
I know it was all wrong, the life I was living and being with a girl at such a young age and what not. (I'm going to be 20 in a few days) I know the gravity of my sins. I know that living a life of virtue is so much happier and peaceful than living a life of sin.
I have tried in the past to live in the state of grace. I've never lasted more than a few months, and when I fall I just don't get back up for a while, until something happens which breaks the little bit of confidence I have in myself and prompts me to turn to God.
I have received so many graces from God, I have been to confession before, and it was a good one, and I have felt that amazing peaceful grace that comes with it. And a few times, not just one. But I always fall. I know its my fault. I didn't see a confessor regularly, which is probably one of the biggest factors in my constant downfalls.
Now I have tremendous responsibility on my shoulders, and I know I need to change. I have listened to some of Saint Alphonsus di Ligouri's sermons, especially the one on "The Miserable State of Relapsing Sinners", and he says the only remedy is to do violence to my nature.
Anyways I don't want to say anymore, I know I should be going to the priest, I have an SSPX chapel close by. I need some serious guidance, me and my whole family. Im just extremely scared to, and I have so many things to talk about to the priest that I know I need to make known in order for HIM to get what my inner trials are, but I simply can never do that, and am always misunderstood.
Perhaps if some kind soul would like to message me on the messenger, someone with experience and wisdom..... I don't know, or just ignore this whole post.