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Author Topic: Apostate widowed mother - advice needed  (Read 15903 times)

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Änσnymσus

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Apostate widowed mother - advice needed
« on: February 02, 2025, 05:31:34 PM »
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    • My mother is a widow, 75, fit and healthy, driving and living independently. I am her only child, married with many children, traditional SSPX. Although my mother was raised Catholic, in a family with many children, with devout parents, she apostatised from the faith in her 20s, and began to follow pagan New Age practices, which she has never left, despite our repeated attempts to help her, to bring her back to the true Faith. Although we need occasionally need her help to look after some of our children from time to time, for a day at a time, there is always friction and I am increasingly worried that she influences the children badly. The other day she openly contracted the teachings of our faith when our 6 year old innocently told her that she was praying for the conversion of her old teacher. Other tensions have happened over the years, all very upsetting. 
    To be frank we have never got on and I hate leaving them with her, but I have to occasionally for a day when my spouse is away. I really don’t want to go into more detail on here in case someone knows me. We are now in a situation where we may need to move countries for a number of years for the SSPX boarding schools, all for the glory of God, but what is my duty to her in this situation? I cannot find an answer anywhere. Of course I pray about it, but surely our first duty is to our children, who deserve to be safely raised in the Faith without these family tensions? I know about apostatised family members living in sin, and what to do there, but this situation with my mother is very difficult. Would we have to bring her with us? If she lived with us she would be far away from her New Age group but she practices yoga and astral projection, does all that stuff. She becomes sarcastic and lashes out when I really push discussion on Faith issues, so I generally tend to avoid that as it’s so upsetting. I don’t want those practices going on under our roof or even in an annex. Do we need to stay in the country to look after her? She is not close to needing looking after, but in 5 years she might, or 10. Cross that bridge when it comes? Please help!  
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    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Apostate widowed mother - advice needed
    « Reply #1 on: February 02, 2025, 05:38:59 PM »
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    • Talk to your Priests.

    Talk to your husband.
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    Offline songbird

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    Re: Apostate widowed mother - advice needed
    « Reply #2 on: February 02, 2025, 06:13:28 PM »
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    • One step at a time.  First the children are being influenced by Grandma.  I had this happen to me, only it was my Aunt.  She approached me at my age of Holy Eucharist.  She questioned me if she and her husband, my uncle were to be saved (soul) like me. They were Unitarian.  I never answered her, and I knew she was testing me.

    Now, I can tell you the results.  My 9 siblings lost their faith but me and a sister, still new order, and said she would not force the catholic faith onto her children!  And today they are parents and no faith!  My other siblings: sister married 4 times, next brother and wife no faith in drugs and their children only one followed my advise and after 20 years went Traditional. That is a miracle in itself.  Next sister married 2 times, next adultery and 2 boys of no faith.  Brother and wife new order and agree with divorce and remarriage. Sister no faith and her sons no faith, sister divorced and adultery 2nd marriage. 

    All of my family was heavily influenced by this Aunt of mine.  The only time I had to stay there was when a new sibling was born.  But that was enough for me.  She and her husband won us over with barbecues and such.  But I knew she was testing all of us.  

    So, do not let your children around this grandma. No.  You must find another way.  Just start there.
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    Offline songbird

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    Re: Apostate widowed mother - advice needed
    « Reply #3 on: February 02, 2025, 06:35:59 PM »
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    • I forgot to add, my mother, widow at age 51, married a divorced man 5 years later.  This man was my aunts choice to marry up to my mom.  So, she excommunicated herself and married this divorced man IN MY AUNTS HOME, BY HER MINISTER.  Then my brother said, let's make it a double ring ceremony and he excommunicated himself marrying a lady.  Now that is proof positive, that my aunt was influencing the whole family!!
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    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Apostate widowed mother - advice needed
    « Reply #4 on: February 03, 2025, 05:37:59 AM »
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    • Don’t leave your children with anyone unwilling to respect and abide by your beliefs. It’s okay to disagree but it’s not okay to teach or practice in direct opposition to your standards. Since she is quite independent, I see no reason not to move without her. Does she even want to move with you, much less move in with you?  
    God will supply another sitter if moving is His Will. 
    If she should later require more care, cross that bridge if and when you come to it. Have confidence in Our Lord both about her needs and in His ability to convert her soul. Perhaps she’ll realize something is missing from her life once you’re no longer in regular, in-person contact. 
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    Offline Gray2023

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    Re: Apostate widowed mother - advice needed
    « Reply #5 on: February 03, 2025, 02:08:26 PM »
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    • Quote from: Änσnymσus on February 02, 2025, 05:31:34 PM
    My mother is a widow, 75, fit and healthy, driving and living independently. I am her only child, married with many children, traditional SSPX. Although my mother was raised Catholic, in a family with many children, with devout parents, she apostatised from the faith in her 20s, and began to follow pagan New Age practices, which she has never left, despite our repeated attempts to help her, to bring her back to the true Faith. Although we need occasionally need her help to look after some of our children from time to time, for a day at a time, there is always friction and I am increasingly worried that she influences the children badly. The other day she openly contracted the teachings of our faith when our 6 year old innocently told her that she was praying for the conversion of her old teacher. Other tensions have happened over the years, all very upsetting.
    To be frank we have never got on and I hate leaving them with her, but I have to occasionally for a day when my spouse is away. I really don’t want to go into more detail on here in case someone knows me. We are now in a situation where we may need to move countries for a number of years for the SSPX boarding schools, all for the glory of God, but what is my duty to her in this situation? I cannot find an answer anywhere. Of course I pray about it, but surely our first duty is to our children, who deserve to be safely raised in the Faith without these family tensions? I know about apostatised family members living in sin, and what to do there, but this situation with my mother is very difficult. Would we have to bring her with us? If she lived with us she would be far away from her New Age group but she practices yoga and astral projection, does all that stuff. She becomes sarcastic and lashes out when I really push discussion on Faith issues, so I generally tend to avoid that as it’s so upsetting. I don’t want those practices going on under our roof or even in an annex. Do we need to stay in the country to look after her? She is not close to needing looking after, but in 5 years she might, or 10. Cross that bridge when it comes? Please help! 
    It sounds like your mom can take care of herself.  What does your husband say?
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    1 Corinthians: Chapter 13 "4 Charity is patient, is kind: charity envieth not, dealeth not perversely; is not puffed up; 5 Is not ambitious, seeketh not her own, is not provoked to anger, thinketh no evil;"

    Änσnymσus

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    Re: Apostate widowed mother - advice needed
    « Reply #6 on: February 03, 2025, 04:26:55 PM »
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    • Thank you for the replies. This problem has been ongoing for years, but with the children getting older, it is now more and more difficult. Yes, she can and does take care of herself, I was just thinking to when she can’t, but maybe I don’t need to worry about that right now. 
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