Truly I understand.
Please please please consider the mental agony of Our Lord. His Father sent Saint Gabriel to comfort Him at Gethsemane. Ask Saint Gabriel to comfort and strengthen you.
And if you are too sad and weary to even pray, close your eyes and lay your head upon His Sacred Heart, as St. John did at the Last Supper. Just rest there with your sadness. He will envelop you with His peace and all will be well.
We will pray for you, friend of Christ.