Yes, it went away. I had it between the ages of 16 and 22. 6 rough years. Oddly enough it didn't leave any pockmarks or scars, which is normally the end result of severe acne.
But it left invisible scars.
One time I was sitting on a bus and this teenage girl was sitting next to me. I looked at her and she looked back at me, and then she purposefully started looking at my acne.
It hurt my feelings. But it also made me angry. How malicious! I didn't say anything to her. In hindsight it's possible that she was insecure about herself, and so lashed out at me for looking at her. But I just glanced at her for a couple seconds. It wasn't like I was gawking at her or anything. What can one say when one is insulted so? It seems a call to action is in order, but I didn't want to go to jail. When people anger me I can relate to the simple guy in Of Mice and Men. I get flustered and don't know what to say. I find verbal confrontation difficult, so when people offend me my only option is to get violent. But in a civilized society with laws and prisons, that's not much of an option. Also I would probably feel guilty about it.
I could be vain, dont know. Is it vanity to be concerned that people find you physically revolting? Seems normal to be concerned with such a thing. To be an eyesore is not something one can become accustomed to, don't think. Lepers are segregated from normal society, and it's not just because leprosy is contagious, but because their ugliness is so extreme that they cannot coexist with normal looking people without upsetting them.
I suppose I could have taken the approach of St. Francis. When people would make fun of his looks or say something nasty he would always laugh it off or make a quip.
I could do that sometimes:
I arrived in London with 5 pounds to my name. Fortunately, upon stepping off the bus, I was greeted by a tout who took me back to his hostel; otherwise I would have been sleeping in a park that night. On the way there he mentioned that they needed more touts. So I got a job at a youth hostel and I worked there for a few months.
My job consisted of going to one of the bigger train stations and asking backpackers if they needed a cheap place to stay. They would be driven to the hostel and I would get a 2 pound commission on each guest. I was not very good at it because I was aware of how awful I looked, so I would often not tout at all but instead would walk around the vicinity of the train station and then meet the car later that night to take me back to the hostel. I was not doing my job. One of my fellow touts actually followed me one day and told on me. I was trying to have the room and board of the hostel without having to endure the humiliation of approaching travelers. Imagine having a job that consists of approaching people who you know find you revolting.
My job was technically illegal, because it took business away from the services at the station that were set up to find traveler's accomodations.
One day I was in the front of the station and these two cops came up to me and told me to scram. I was committing a crime by touting, but not serious enough for them to arrest me. One of the cops said, "We don't want to see you here again. We've seen your face, so we'll recognize you." Then his buddy started chuckling and said, "He's too ugly to forget."
Now you might think this offended me, but it didn't. I actually thought it was funny and I laughed. It was kind of a good-natured ribbing, and I actually laughed as I walked away.
I think people don't mind being called ugly if it's in a good-natured fashion.
But if someone treats me in a sadistic fashion, then it seems innapropriate to laugh it off.
People sometimes tell me I'm handsome, but to this day I still feel like that ugly 18 year old. I just can't beleive them.
I didn't fail to notice during these years that the people who were most likely to treat me with decency were Christians. Some were Protestants and some Catholics, and some non-religious people as well. Their attitude towards me expressed warmth and humor, but not pity. The people who were most likely to try to suffocate me and not allow me any exit were people who were hooked into the popular culture, a culture I was hooked into as well, which just made it worse.
Anyway, don't want to bore you all. But it is nice to vent about these demons from time to time. One day I may find a way to grapple with them in a constructive fashion and overcome them.