Author Topic: "Talking" to Deceased Realtives (Read 2470 times)

Änσnymσus · « **on:** August 20, 2014, 09:57:38 AM »

I will often go the graves of my deceased relatives and, after praying for the repose of their souls, "talk" to them. I'm not actually trying to commune with the dead, or any other occult nonsense, I just miss them very much, and find it soothing to say a few things to them.

One of the people at my chapel saw me doing this, and said that it was a useless endeavor, and was probably sinful because I am presuming that they are in Heaven. She said souls in Purgatory or Hell cannot hear me, I should only pray to canonized saints, and even if my relatives were canonized, I should only pray to them and not carry on useless conversations with them.

Was this woman correct?

ggreg · « **Reply #1 on:** August 20, 2014, 10:08:58 AM »

I don't think it does any harm. But it is largely human sentiment. They are not "useless conversations", however, if they give you comfort since that is a "useful" thing.

I've visited my mother's grave about once per decade since she died 30 years ago. Mostly because I was passing by. I took my children one time as they never met her. I wouldn't waste the time and gas visiting her dead corpse otherwise what would be the point?

Since "they" are not actually in the grave why not say prayers for their soul and ask them to pray for you if they are in Heaven.

If I was one of your dead relatives I would MUCH prefer it if you assisted at Mass for the repose of my soul rather than chatting to the bacteria and worms munching on my corpse. In the time you take to travel to their grave and back home again you could go to Mass. Much more beneficial for all concerned.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #2 on:** August 20, 2014, 10:11:16 AM »

I think we can pray to the souls in Purgatory, as well as for them. And as long as we're not sinning, we can say anything we like. Personally, I'm very careful to only pray to, and not for, those rare souls about whose salvation I have no reason to doubt, for example, people whose lives in the world were manifestly holy. I only know a handful of them, perhaps because I'm a convert.

As for any family members that might be in Purgatory or Heaven, I address them exactly so: 'Any family members who might be ... ' instead of using any names, since I think that would be presumptuous.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #3 on:** August 20, 2014, 10:14:36 AM »

Quote from: ggreg

I don't think it does any harm. But it is largely human sentiment. They are not "useless conversations", however, if they give you comfort since that is a "useful" thing.

I've visited my mother's grave about once per decade since she died 30 years ago. Mostly because I was passing by. I took my children one time as they never met her. I wouldn't waste the time and gas visiting her dead corpse otherwise what would be the point?

Since "they" are not actually in the grave why not say prayers for their soul and ask them to pray for you if they are in Heaven.

If I was one of your dead relatives I would MUCH prefer it if you assisted at Mass for the repose of my soul rather than chatting to the bacteria and worms munching on my corpse. In the time you take to travel to their grave and back home again you could go to Mass. Much more beneficial for all concerned.

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that the body of a soul Purgatory is holy, and therefore good to be near.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #4 on:** August 20, 2014, 11:35:43 AM »

Souls in Purgatory pray for those on earth, but can not pray for themselves. Be sure to read on the Doctrine of the Communion of Saints. The union of the faithful on earth , the blessed in heaven and the souls in purgatory, an article of faith. The souls in purgatory pray to the angels and saints and pray for the living! What a comfort!

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #5 on:** August 20, 2014, 12:07:38 PM »

Quote from: ggreg

I don't think it does any harm. But it is largely human sentiment. They are not "useless conversations", however, if they give you comfort since that is a "useful" thing.

I've visited my mother's grave about once per decade since she died 30 years ago. Mostly because I was passing by. I took my children one time as they never met her. I wouldn't waste the time and gas visiting her dead corpse otherwise what would be the point?

Since "they" are not actually in the grave why not say prayers for their soul and ask them to pray for you if they are in Heaven.

If I was one of your dead relatives I would MUCH prefer it if you assisted at Mass for the repose of my soul rather than chatting to the bacteria and worms munching on my corpse. In the time you take to travel to their grave and back home again you could go to Mass. Much more beneficial for all concerned.

As I said in my OP, I do pray for their souls when I visit; in fact it is the first thing I do. I also regularly have Masses said for their souls. Why must it be an either/or situation?

Further, the Church offers indulgences for visiting grave sites, so it cannot be as useless as you claim. It seems quite the opposite, in fact.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #6 on:** August 20, 2014, 12:09:28 PM »

Quote from: ggreg

If I was one of your dead relatives I would MUCH prefer it if you assisted at Mass for the repose of my soul

There's no reason to imagine this isn't already being done. Also, I have a feeling the Holy Souls see things differently in Purgatory than they did in their lives in the world. In Purgatory, maybe you'd appreciate having the chance to console a loved one still in this vale of tears by listening to her.

ggreg · « **Reply #7 on:** August 20, 2014, 12:21:07 PM »

Quote from: Guest

Quote from: ggreg
If I was one of your dead relatives I would MUCH prefer it if you assisted at Mass for the repose of my soul

There's no reason to imagine this isn't already being done.

Other than, both graveyards and masses are usually a drive away and people only have so much free time. Unless one is unemployed/retired and has large amounts of free time, then the time spent visiting the grave could be better spent going to mass.

That was the reason I "imagined" it.

In short, instead of going to Mass once every two months for my soul and visiting my grave in the intervening month, I would prefer 11 masses and 1 graveside visit.

But that's just me.

ggreg · « **Reply #8 on:** August 20, 2014, 12:24:50 PM »

Quote from: Guest

maybe you'd appreciate having the chance to console a loved one still in this vale of tears by listening to her.

I can "listen" to her just as well from the local Church or her Rosary shrine in her living room as I can from the graveside. And she can go to Mass with the gas money rather than a field somewhere.

There is not a special microphone buried with me which is transmitting her words across the void. To think there is is pure sentiment.

ggreg · « **Reply #9 on:** August 20, 2014, 12:30:35 PM »

Quote from: Guest

Quote from: ggreg
I don't think it does any harm. But it is largely human sentiment. They are not "useless conversations", however, if they give you comfort since that is a "useful" thing.

As I said in my OP, I do pray for their souls when I visit; in fact it is the first thing I do. I also regularly have Masses said for their souls. Why must it be an either/or situation?

Further, the Church offers indulgences for visiting grave sites, so it cannot be as useless as you claim. It seems quite the opposite, in fact.

Because having masses said, while good, is not as effectacious as attending those or other masses yourself.

Most people are limited in their free time, therefore they EITHER go to the graveside OR they could spend THAT time going to Mass.

I did not claim it was useless. See above. If turning up at the graveside comforts YOU, then it is useful. But I cannot imagine why it would help the departed soul.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #10 on:** August 20, 2014, 12:31:43 PM »

Quote from: ggreg

Quote from: Guest
Quote from: ggreg
If I was one of your dead relatives I would MUCH prefer it if you assisted at Mass for the repose of my soul

There's no reason to imagine this isn't already being done.

Other than, both graveyards and masses are usually a drive away and people only have so much free time. Unless one is unemployed/retired and has large amounts of free time, then the time spent visiting the grave could be better spent going to mass.

That was the reason I "imagined" it.

In short, instead of going to Mass once every two months for my soul and visiting my grave in the intervening month, I would prefer 11 masses and 1 graveside visit.

But that's just me.

I guess you missed this:

Quote from: Guest

I will often go the graves of my deceased relatives and, after praying for the repose of their souls, "talk" to them. I'm not actually trying to commune with the dead, or any other occult nonsense, I just miss them very much, and find it soothing to say a few things to them.

One of the people at my chapel saw me doing this, and said that it was a useless endeavor, and was probably sinful because I am presuming that they are in Heaven. She said souls in Purgatory or Hell cannot hear me, I should only pray to canonized saints, and even if my relatives were canonized, I should only pray to them and not carry on useless conversations with them.

Was this woman correct?

The grave is near the OP's chapel.

The OP was wrongly accused of presumptuousness, and doing something useless.

The accuser erred by saying the Holy Souls can't hear our prayers to them.

The accuser erred by saying our talking to the saints in Heaven might be useless.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #11 on:** August 20, 2014, 01:02:10 PM »

Quote from: ggreg

Quote from: Guest
Quote from: ggreg
I don't think it does any harm. But it is largely human sentiment. They are not "useless conversations", however, if they give you comfort since that is a "useful" thing.

As I said in my OP, I do pray for their souls when I visit; in fact it is the first thing I do. I also regularly have Masses said for their souls. Why must it be an either/or situation?

Further, the Church offers indulgences for visiting grave sites, so it cannot be as useless as you claim. It seems quite the opposite, in fact.

Because having masses said, while good, is not as effectacious as attending those or other masses yourself.

Most people are limited in their free time, therefore they EITHER go to the graveside OR they could spend THAT time going to Mass.

I did not claim it was useless. See above. If turning up at the graveside comforts YOU, then it is useful. But I cannot imagine why it would help the departed soul.

Allow me to be even more clear: When I have Masses said for the repose of my relatives' souls, I always attend. So no, it is not a either/or proposition, regardless of what you think of most people.

Further, it is not only not useless because it comforts me, it is also useful in that I obtain an indulgences that the Church offers for visiting grave sites.

Aside from my prayers that I offer while there, I realize that merely visiting the grave will not help the departed soul. However, that was not my question (considering how much you pick apart my words, you could have at least paid attention to what I was asking in my OP). My question is whether or not the woman who approached me was correct in her assertions. Nowhere did I ask whether or not my "talking" to the deceased benefited their souls.

TKGS · « **Reply #12 on:** August 20, 2014, 01:15:28 PM »

I think your friend is overly scrupulous. What does your priest say? Does he suggest that there is anything wrong?

ggreg · « **Reply #13 on:** August 20, 2014, 01:56:12 PM »

Quote from: Guest

Aside from my prayers that I offer while there, I realize that merely visiting the grave will not help the departed soul. However, that was not my question (considering how much you pick apart my words, you could have at least paid attention to what I was asking in my OP). My question is whether or not the woman who approached me was correct in her assertions. Nowhere did I ask whether or not my "talking" to the deceased benefited their souls.

No, I don't think she was correct. It certainly does not do any harm to visit the graveside. If nothing else it helps YOU keep the memory of the departed person close and alive in your heart and therefore you are more likely to continue praying for them.

A lot of dead folks are quickly forgotten about. Or, if their relatives do visit to put flowers on their grave they do it without bothering to pray for their soul. Think of the millions of people who wear Poppys and go to rememberance services for dead soldiers but never pray for their souls.

Änσnymσus · « **Reply #14 on:** August 20, 2014, 07:32:45 PM »

Quote from: Guest

One of the people at my chapel saw me doing this, and said that it was a useless endeavor, and was probably sinful because I am presuming that they are in Heaven. She said souls in Purgatory or Hell cannot hear me, I should only pray to canonized saints, and even if my relatives were canonized, I should only pray to them and not carry on useless conversations with them.

Was this woman correct?

Sinful??? Was it sinful for people to visit and pray (prayer is a one way conversation) at the graves of Jacinta and Francesco before they were canonized??? I guess they shouldn't allow anyone at the tomb of Pope Leo XIII, he's not canonized. And what about miracle workers who died and then people took soil from their graves and were healed. And how do we know the body isn't incorrupt?

Who told her souls in Purgatory can't hear us? How does she know. We don't know what heaven allows and what the circuмstances are. And as for calling them "useless conversation" how dare she be so arrogant! Sounds like a real busy body.

As for visiting and tending the graves of our loved ones, people say they don't have time, well, what about on Sundays? Us old folks can remember when families had a picnic in the cemetary when the whole family was there to tend to ancestral graves. Forget them now and your kids will forget you!

I was taught that when we offer Masses or pray for a soul that is already in Heaven it increases their glory, much in the same way as when we offer sacrifices or prayers for "The GREATER glory of God"

Why did Magdalen go to Jesus' grave if not to perform a charity. Do you think she wasn't talking to Him on her way there?

Love doesn't stop at death and talking to them is just one way of loving them

Author Topic: "Talking" to Deceased Realtives (Read 2470 times)

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